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Urologists Concerned Over Rise In U.S. Smartphone Penetration

“Why anyone would do that to a piece of technology is beyond me,” says one physician.

By (@JRRaphael)

February 8, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Smartphone PenetrationSome of the nation’s leading urologists are expressing serious concern over new reports of smartphone penetration in America.

According to a shocking study published this week, smartphone penetration in the United States has grown by 60 percent over the last quarter. Some industry analysts expect half of the country’s population to be involved with the trend before the year’s end, with teens and preteens leading the way.

“This is incredibly disturbing,” notes eSarcasm medical correspondent Dr. Stanley L. Dorkus, a prominent member of the faux science community. “The act of smartphone penetration could cause serious bodily harm — and I can’t imagine it’s all that pleasurable, either.”

Doctors are encouraging users to satisfy their smartphone-related urges with less risky activities, such as cuddling, fondling, and the occasional light spanking.

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