Alternate Reality   •   Favorites

Pope Announces New Catholics-Only Social Network

Christened ‘Gracebook,’ the holy social network plans to bring Facebook to its knees. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

January 26, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Following his warnings this week against forsaking real relationships for virtual ones, Pope Benedict XVI surprised followers by announcing plans to unite the planet’s 1.2 billion Roman Catholics via their own social network.

Dubbed “Gracebook,” the new service will allow its members to make virtual communion, confess their sins, and receive absolution in real time, according to church officials. It will also allow Catholics to keep up with news from other religions via features like the Jews Feed.

Despite the similarity in name, look, and feel, Vatican officials say they don’t expect legal challenges from Facebook.

“Mark Zuckerberg has 600 million friends,” says a Vatican spokesperson. “His Holiness has just one – but He’s the right One.”

Unlike Facebook, My_____, and other social networks, Gracebook members must first answer a series of questions demonstrating their familiarity with basic Catholic tenents. For example, members may be asked to correctly type The Lord’s Prayer, explain the concept of transubstantiation, or identify the father, the son, and/or the holy ghost from a lineup of spiritual figures.

Though still only in early beta, Gracebook has already been endorsed by Jesus Christ.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting 2000 years for something like this,” he says. “I can’t wait to tell Dad.”

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter