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EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 5 to Include ‘Invisible Fence’ Protection

Following the implementation of tamper-resistant screws on its products, Apple will begin installing electric fences on iPhones to prevent users from opening the cases.

By (@jr_raphael)

January 20, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

iPhone Electric FenceApple will install tiny electric fences on its future mobile devices, eSarcasm has learned.

The “invisible” fences will line the inside of every iPhone 5 handset and deliver a powerful shock to any user who places his hand near the perimeter. The mechanism is designed to keep customers from tampering with their devices and making unauthorized modifications.

“We provide people with a magical experience,” one insider says. “It’s our duty to keep them from ruining it.”

The news follows word earlier today that Apple had begun putting tamper-resistant screws on its iPhone and MacBook products. The screws, according to customer advice site iFixIt, are being used on all new units — and are also being placed on all existing devices brought into Apple Stores for repair.

The electric fences, however, are seen as the real key to controlling how people use the items they own.

“Users don’t know what’s best for them. That’s why it’s good that we’re here,” our source explains.

Future upgrades will enable shocking of any user who attempts jailbreaking, porn-viewing, or any other Apple-prohibited activity.






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Comments

  • Jakej

    Who wrote this dog shit?

    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      I don’t know, but I don’t care much for his demeanor.

      Sent from my iFart

  • Adam P

    +1, thanks for the laugh

    @jakej, get a sense of humor, mate. Good lord, the site is called esarcasm………i think you might be in the wrong place :)

  • Anonymous

    No matter what iphone 5 will be like, but we can sure that it will be better than the first generation, we have to do is waiting and waiting for its final appearance! More info about iPhone http://www.aneesoft.com/tutorials/iphone/index.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/aikogranados ???? ??

    haha i LOVE esarcasm! This made me laugh, thanks for making my day ;p

    - to all the people saying stuff…………… its not supposed to be serious people!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/aikogranados ???? ??

    Do you mind if i use this on my blog? Citing all my sources, of course lol

  • Gamedemon1978

    It’s only because you don’t want people to get anything your greedy and pathetic that you can’t even download a flash player because your pride but android are over taking you and you will lose out in the end

  • DJ-Bry

    i-phone 3 is the exact same as an i-phone 4 only slimmer as i-phone is really what apps you choose and it has brought out the photographer in everyone,i have the SHUFFLE,NANO-5TH GEN,I-PHONE3,/4 NANO is so cool camera with sound /clear and music and my new friend the nike program to see how many K i am doing running every other day fantastico.

  • The Right Guy

    SEEMS LEGIT!