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If a Booty Calls, Don’t Answer: 15 Stupid Tweets

Today’s trending Twitter topic: The hashtag #bootycallrules. Yes, there are strict rules for this sort of thing — and you better memorize them if you ever want to hit that.

By (@tynanwrites)

January 12, 2011

Some people believe Twitter is rotting our minds and degrading the level of intellectual discourse. We respectfully disagree.

There are few things more educational than scanning the tweet stream of the Twittering masses. Take today’s trending hashtag, for example: #Bootycallrules.

It turns out the rules regarding calls of booty are quite detailed. For example: You must bring your own food, water, and clothing, and pay for your own gas. Talking is discouraged, if not prohibited. Calls may only be received between prescribed hours, typically 12 AM to 4 AM. You are responsible for busting your own nutt. Don’t linger afterward (ie, "hit it and quit it"). And saying "I love you" is strictly forbidden — even if you make it blatantly clear you are lying.

What are the booty call rules? Read on for some higher learning.

@kamkam7: #bootycallrules bring yo own soap, cuz its the recession and that shit aint cheap

But why bother bathing? You won’t be there long enough for the scabies to jump off.

@RavenRell: If you live super far away n want me to come lay it down…. better have sum gas money #bootycallrules

And some soap. Cuz that shit ain’t cheap.

@YouWantDynasty: #BootyCallRules do not flush that condom down MY toilet or leave it within 5280 feet of my house……

That would be 1.6 kilometers for your Eurobootycallers.

@IAMJIZ: #bootycallrules your pussy must be clean if your fucking house clean

Especially if you use the same industrial solvents for both.

@BeeDubbs: #bootycallrules if I call you. Im trying to bust MYYY nutt…not yours. If you nutt, then good for you, but If you dont…hey, I DID!

So much for your chances of winning the Irving Thalberg Humanitarian Award. And you were this close.

@ musiclives4evr: #bootycallrules. No talking just sucking and f*cking baby.

Just knock once against the headboard if you have to pee, and twice if you need someone to perform a Heimlich.

@marsgodLIVE: #bootycallrules - if your panties get stuck in the ships quantum reactor, it’s best you hit the airlock vent to prevent particle emission

But only if you’re fucking Captain Kirk.

@DizzzyD11: #BootyCallRules no matter how good the pussy is don’t let the words "I love u" slip out. BIG NO NO

Also, don’t let anything else slip out. Remember that last time? We had to boil the bedsheets.

@zKINGofKINGz: #bootycallrules most of the sex is gonna occur from the back no looking in the eyes or kissing shit

We call that "doing it San Quentin style." Also: Bring your own soap.

@RayLipowski: #bootycallrules stop at the gas station n pick up them blue pills n beat the brakes off her pussy.

You must fill up at that place that offers a free Viagra prescription with every full tank. All we ever get is a car wash.

@ exclusiveK89: #bootycallrules do NOT try to tie him down with the " i think i’m pregnant" excuse..we all know you just want attention

Also, a place to throw up. But only for the first three or four months.

@SexMusicFashion: #bootycallrules fucking is mandatory, oral is optional

And analingus is forever.

@imsobrooklyn: #bootycallrules "first cum first served" :D

Even better: You get a free sex toy with every "happy meal."

@TheReal_Cez: CezGryndHard #bootycallrules you are not to call my mother "Ma".

Unless of course you’re fucking her too. Which would explain why she’s started dressing like a ho.

@HauteCoif: Lol @ these #bootycallrules… but, honestly some of this nonsense might be the reason the STD rate is so high. #gettested#noherpes

Mom!! We told you to stop spying on our Twitter account. Can we please get some privacy, please? O.M.G.!






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Comments

  • http://twitter.com/YouWantDynasty Dynasty Harris

    this is @YouWantDynasty oh em jee….i can’t believe i made it on here…..they called my tweet stupid but this is still funny as hell…ilol…i gotta come here more often! (=

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      @dynasty: thanx for being such a good sport. and also for the tip about the condom. we’re taking an odometer with us on booty calls from now on.