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This Just In: Men Fake It, Too

Think ladies are the only ones putting on the fake “O”-face? Think again. Dr. Smartass explains.

By (@doctorsmartass)

November 16, 2010

Got a question for Dr. Smartass? E-mail doc [at] esarcasm.com.

Dr. SmartassSex, my dear disciples, is full of unanswered questions. Why do some people want it nonstop while others hardly want it at all? Why do some girls want to hump trees while others like amputees? And why, for the love of labia, would any man fake an orgasm?

That final one is a real doozy — and believe it or not, it’s a real phenomenon.

From my trusty inbox:

Dear Dr. Smartass,

I’m pretty sure my boyfriend faked his orgasm last night. Something seemed off, and there was no mess when we were done. WTF? Do guys actually do that?


Amber, my fine darling, I’m afraid your instinct just might be right.

Seinfeld Fake OrgasmNow, your trusty virtual doc has certainly never faked the
big “O” — not while with a partner, at least — but it turns out more guys than you’d think have pulled a Kramer and practiced their acting skills in bed.

A study published in this month’s Journal of Sex Research (which makes for lovely bathroom reading, by the way) finds that a full 25 percent of fellas have faked an orgasm during some sort of sexual activity. Mind you, that’s half the rate of women who’ve screamed out insincere “oohs” and “ahhs” — but it’s still no small slice of the penal pie.

Male Fake OrgasmSo why are the guys pulling out without spurting out? The study, which focused on college-aged students, says the most common reason is wanting to finish the act without any awkwardness or hurt feelings. These gents clearly don’t suffer from the affliction we in the science community call minuteman-itis.

It isn’t just full-on sex that’s seeing concocted climaxes, though: Ten percent of guys said they’d faked it during a sexual encounter that wasn’t intercourse. A faked male orgasm during oral action — or even an HJ? Your dear doc is as puzzled as you are; as subtle and delicate of an event as the male orgasm is, one has to think any woman would notice if certain physical expulsions didn’t occur when her man’s member was in her mouth.

Let’s put it this way for our poor pal Amber: If last night’s situation wasn’t sticky, you definitely have a sticky situation on your hands now. Figure out what’s up — or before long, nothing will be up at all.

  Sex is a crime that leaves evidence,
  Especially when we’re talking about gents.
  So look around, and see if it’s there —
  Just don’t forget to check in your hair.

Until next time,

Dr. Smartass

(Fake orgasm shirt courtesy of cafepress.com; cartoon image courtesy nymag.com)

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