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Scientists Solve Mystery of How Cats Drink Without Getting Wet

Scientists have finally uncovered the answer to one of nature’s most elusive mysteries. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.

By (@tynanwrites)

November 11, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

After decades of research and millions of dollars of grant funding, researchers have finally solved a mystery that has long eluded them: How a cat drinks water without getting wet.

“Turns out the answer was a lot simpler than we’d imagined,” says Dr. Felix T. Gatto, head of the American Institute for Advanced Feline Research. “They use straws. Who knew?”

Researchers spent thousands of hours observing felines like Mr Cuddles (right) via hidden cameras. After months of being observed, the cats eventually let down their guard and began acting as if no humans were watching. They immediately went into the pantry, got down a box of plastic straws, and began drinking.

Through their research, scientists also discovered that cats are able to clean their own litter boxes, create toys from bits of yarn and crumbled paper, operate can openers, solve sudoku puzzles, program DVRs, and order all those porn channel subscriptions while you were out of town and could not possibly have done so.

“Left to their own devices, cats are extremely self sufficient,” says Gatto. “They can provide their food, shelter, toys, and personal hygiene. They just wait for us to do all these things for them because, well, they’re cats.”

The next topic researchers plan to tackle: How dogs are able to lick their genitals and yet still find time to do other things.

Photo: Funny Animal Pictures






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Comments

  • Madhamish

    I've always suspected that cats could do various things including stealing my booze, misappropriating my tools and smoking my cigarettes as well as surfing for porn, my two teenagers swear blind it was the moggy, now with these new findings I'm inclined to believe them. So the cat is now in the doghouse.

  • Arcticwolf1966

    And here I thought they were using tea cups with their pinky claw pointing out.

  • http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/ Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld

    I hope they didnt spend too much tax money on this one!