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Swearing Makes You Feel Better, Shitty Study Finds

For the love of science, stop censoring yourself. Swearing holds the power to make you feel physically better, according to a shitty new study out of the U.K.

By (@JRRaphael)

July 13, 2009

Swearing StudySpeaking with vulgarities can help ease your pain and make you feel better, a shitty new study from Britain’s Keele University suggests. The study, published in neuroscience journal NeuroReport, finds uttering curse words can trigger an emotional and physical response that acts as a natural painkiller.

“Our research shows one potential reason why swearing developed and why it persists,” Richard Stephens, one of the lead researchers, told Reuters.

“Seriously — the effect was fucking enormous,” he forgot to add.

Stephens and his team had volunteers place their hands in a tub of ice. They found that when repeating a curse word, the subjects were able to ignore the pain and keep their hands submerged for longer periods of time. The scientists attribute the effect to increased levels of aggression that seem to coincide with cursing.

“It taps into [some bitchin’] emotional brain centers and appears to arise in the right [fucking side of the] brain, whereas most language production occurs in the [far shittier] left cerebral hemisphere of the [motherbitcher],” Stephens explained.

Others in the science community question the connection between swearing and aggression, claiming there is little real-world evidence of the phenomenon in action.

“There’s no fucking way that bullshit is true,” a scientist at a competing university, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, told eSarcasm.

“Damned bastards,” he added, smashing our window with his fist and walking away.

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