Rants In Our Pants

AT&T to T-Mobile: Ours Is Bigger, Thicker, and Ready to Blow

AT&T and T-Mobile are going head-to-head to see whose is bigger. Needless to say, the competition is stiff — and the situation’s quickly turning hairy.

By (@JRRaphael)

November 4, 2010

AT&T and T-Mobile 4GDon’t look now, but two of the nation’s largest mobile carriers are in a pissing match over who has more girth.

T-Mobile came out balls a-swingin’ this week, launching a new ad campaign that claims it has the largest 4G network in all of America. Now AT&T is firing back and saying it, in fact, has the biggest one around.

Since we’ve given AT&T so much shit over the years, we’ll go ahead and give ’em the benefit of the doubt this time. But even if AT&T is large and in charge, we see a few problems with its rebuttal:

  1. You’ve got a big one? Fine. That doesn’t mean you can be stop being civil as soon as you’ve gotten your device in someone’s pants.
  2. Just because it’s big doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s satisfying. Seriously — have you ever been on AT&T’s equipment?
  3. You may have the biggest one around, but when you can only keep it up 30 percent of the time, it’s pretty much useless.

Put it this way: Some people may end up hooking up with AT&T because of its size. Once they’ve seen how it actually performs, though, they’ll always — always — regret it the next morning.

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