Charlie Sheen Demands Custody of Brooke Mueller’s Breasts
‘I paid for the twins, they’re mine, I want them back,’ declares the 45-year-old star of Two and a Half Men. An eSarcasm exclusive.
Actor Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his third wife, Brooke Mueller, and is seeking at least partial custody of Mueller’s breasts — or, as he calls them, ‘the twins.’
“I want the twins,” the 45-year-old actor said via his attorneys. “I paid for them. There are still six months left on the warranty. I want them back.”
Sheen said he would be willing to consider a partial custody arrangement in which he borrows Mueller’s breasts on alternating weekends and for six weeks during the summer.
“Only I can care for them the way God and the MediCor company intended,” Sheen is reported to have said. “God I miss them.”
The star of hit TV sitcom “Two and a Half Men” is also seeking custody of the couple’s 18-month-old boys, Bob and Max. Via his attorneys, Sheen is attempting to have Mueller declared an unfit mother for failing to adequately supervise his children while he was off on a cocaine-fueled binge in New York’s Plaza Hotel, playing hide and seek with porn star Capri Anderson.
“The next time I’m found naked and passed out in a the toilet of a fashionable Hollywood restaurant with cocaine smeared all over my face I want to know my kids are being well cared for,” said the sitcom star. “The only way I can know for sure is by leaving them with babysitters certified by the adult entertainment industry.”
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