Alternate Reality

When Zuck Met Jobs: Top 10 Things Overheard During Dinner

What happens when two of tech’s most villainous men meet for meatloaf? Only eSarcasm has the inside scoop on Mark Zuckerberg’s top-secret dinner at Casa de Jobs.

By (@JRRaphael)

October 18, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Being invited to Steve Jobs’ house is kind of like being invited to the Playboy Mansion. A really boring, G-rated version of the Playboy Mansion.

Sure, you trade the naked girls giggling about sex for drably dressed dorks droning about moral values — and yes, you may have to sip on organic prune juice instead of a top-shelf martini — but hey, it’s still a rare glimpse into one of the world’s most exclusive and mysterious places. If you get an invite to Jobs’ Palace of Magic, you don’t turn it down.

Zuckerberg & JobsThat’s what we imagine went through the mind of Facebook Chief Privacy-Violator Mark Zuckerberg earlier this month. Zuckerberg, the L.A. Times reports, ventured into Steve Jobs’ life-changing mansion for a hush-hush dinner meeting. And here you thought coffee with Google was as good as it got.

The Times claims Jobs invited Zuck over to talk about Apple’s Ping social network. eSarcasm has learned, however, that Stevie-Steve had some far more interesting things to say.

Behold, the top 10 things overheard during Jobs and Zuckerberg’s dinner:

10. “Thanks for the present, but do you have any that come with a turtleneck instead of a hood?”

9. “It doesn’t matter if they hate you, son. You control them.” Zuckerberg Jobs Dinner

8. “Privacy, schmivacy. Tell ’em they’re using it wrong and move on.”

7. “No, we can’t open that bottle of wine. Never say the word open in my house     again, you blasphemous bastard.”

6. “Uh, yes…I do know that there’s a man under the table who bears a strong     resemblance to John Gruber. Don’t worry about it, OK?”

5. “It isn’t technically gay if no one else sees it. But I told you, that’s not what he’s     doing down there.”

4. “‘Evil dictator’ is a little strong for my tastes. I’d go with ‘divine autocrat’ if I were you.”

3. “Well, black has a lovely slimming effect, and denim makes me feel like a Swedish schoolboy.”

2. “You can’t think of it as censorship, Mark. You have to think of it as protecting them from unmagical things.”

1. “Of course I look at porn. I just do it on my son’s Droid.”

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