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If Doctor Seuss Worked for Microsoft…

He’d be out there pitching Windows Phone 7 handsets. Here’s how that might go, to the tune of Green Eggs & Ham. (Warning: Not safe for kiddies or excessively mature adults.)

By (@tynanwrites)

October 12, 2010

That Ballmer-clone
That Ballmer-clone
I do not like that Ballmer-clone

“Would you like a Windows phone?”

I would not like a Windows phone
I do not like them, Ballmer-clone

“Would you like it at home or work?”

I do not want one at home or work
I do not want one, you little jerk
I do not want a Windows phone
I do not like them, Ballmer-clone

“Would you try it in your house?
Would you hook it to your mouse?”

I would not try it in my house
I would not hook it to my mouse
I do not want a Windows phone
I do not like them, Ballmer-clone

“Would you use one on the road?
Would you like a discount code?”

I could not, would not, on the road
I would not, could not, with a code
I do not want a Windows phone
I do not like them, Ballmer-clone

“It opens Word and Excel files
To send a text just tap this tile
It’s got Xbox Live and Zune and Bing
Won’t you, won’t you, try this thing?”

I do not want to open files
I do not want to tap that tile
I do not give a damn for Bing
Or Zune or Xbox Anything
Not in my house
Not with my mouse
Not on the road
Not with a code
I do not want a Windows phone
I do not like them, Ballmer-clone

“We’ve got lovely models from LG
Samung, Dell, and HTC
Try it, try it and you’ll see
You can buy one from AT&T”

AT&T? AT&T?
Are you fucking kidding me?
It takes some really heavy balls
To sell a phone that can’t make calls
I had one once — a piece of shit
I am happy to be rid of it
I do not want your friggin’ phone
Now leave me be, Ballmer-clone

“You do not like them, so you say
Try them, try them, and you may
Try them and you may, I say”

I will not try your Windows Phone
Go kiss my ass, old Ballmer-clone

“While you were out we called your boss
He’s ordered up 900 gross
10,000 more are on their way
Training starts next Saturday

So you will use one at home
And you will use one at work
And you will use one in your house
And you will use one with your mouse
And you will use one on the road
Even with no discount code
You will give a damn for Bing
And Zune and Xbox Everything”

What a total crock of shit
I do not like this, not one bit
I have to use a Windows Phone
Fuck you
Fuck you
Ballmer-clone

Doctored Seuss images originally found at Brookston Beer Bulletin.






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Comments

  • http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/ Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld

    Loved it!