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This Brassiere Could Save Your Life

The Emergency Bra doesn’t merely lift, shape, and support, it may also save your life in case of a gas attack. Even if not, it’s certainly worth a try.

By (@tynanwrites)

September 25, 2010

There’s been a nerve gas attack. The air is filled with noxious fumes. You have only a few seconds before your lungs fill with poison and you’re overcome. What do you do?

Our plan is very simple. We approach the nearest woman, rip off her brassiere, and begin breathing through her cups. (We also make sure to grasp her exposed mammaries gently but firmly, just to maintain our equilibrium.)

Now, finally, Dr. Elena Bodnar has seen the wisdom of our ways and come out with the Emergency Bra — a woman’s support undergarment that doubles as a respiratory mask. Yes, really.

Per the Web site:

The Emergency Bra is a protective garment that can easily be transformed into two respiratory face masks in case of an emergency.

The Emergency Bra is an example of a public risk management tool that can provide a person with a critical time window that might be sufficient to escape from life threatening environments.

Excuse me, but that’s a lovely public risk management tool you’re wearing, may I take a closer look? Wait, is that Risin I smell? We’d better take that off, just to be safe.

Ms. Bodnar’s e-bra won a 2009 ig Nobel Prize as one of the most ridiculous scientific research projects to receive funding. Now it can be yours for the low low price of $29.99.

No word whether an A cup offers less respiratory protection than, say, a DD.

We think this idea has a lot of potential. Take airplanes, for example. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, you would be compelled to rip the brassieres from the nearest female flight attendant. And in the event of a water landing, her breasts may be used as a flotation device. (But only if she’s Heidi Montag.)

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