Alternate Reality

eSarcasm Confirms Existence of Facebook Phone

TechCrunch is reporting Facebook is working on its own phone. We have been able to independently confirm this report. It’s like totally true. Really. Would we lie to you?

By (@tynanwrites)

September 19, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Gadget blog Engadget is reporting that Silicon Insider has revealed that TechCrunch is claiming that Facebook is building its own superphone, eSarcasm has learned.

According to sources inside Facebook – technically not employed by Facebook, but people who hang around the lobby of the building where Facebook has its offices — two really cool guys who used to work at Google and Mozilla are busy on a project so secret they won’t even tell Mark Zuckerberg about it.

Naturally, that project has to be a phone, concluded TechCrunch’s Michael Arrington. Because what else would they be working on — a cure for terminal perspiration? Bitch, please.

We can now confirm Facebook is indeed working on a magical and life-changing handset that will blow the Apple iPhone and Google Android handsets out of the water.

Using Facebook Places, reporters from eSarcasm managed to stalk track down Facebook spokesmodel (and billionaire sister) Randi Zuckerberg as she was coming out of Izzy’s Brooklyn Bagels in Palo Alto, California, carrying a half dozen poppyseed bagels and a lox schmeer.

Zuckerberg immediately denied any knowledge of a Facebook phone. But though her mouth was saying “no,” her eyes were saying “Yes, yes, oh God please yes.”

That’s good enough for us.

Our sources confirm the phone will indeed be able to make calls inside and possibly outside the US, have a touchscreen and some kind of keyboard, probably a camera, maybe 5 or 6 megapixels they’re not exactly sure, and be “deeply integrated with Facebook,” whatever the fuck that means.

More on this story as it develops.

Unphotoshopped image of Mike Arrington hoisting Randi Zuckerberg courtesy of lalawag and photographer Wm Mark Salsberry.

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