Rants In Our Pants

The TechList: Paris Booked, Craigslist Hooked

This week in tech: Paris Hilton gets busted for coke, Facebook wants to trademark “face” and “book,” Verizon becomes Microsoft shill, Tiger looks for new holes to fill.

By (@tynanwrites)

August 30, 2010

1. Paris Hilton. Arrested for cocaine possession. We are shocked at the news. Next they’ll be telling us she’s no longer a virgin.

2. Facebook. Claims trademarks on both "face" and "book." We think they’d have better luck claiming ownership of "ass" and "hole."

3. Tiger Woods. With the divorce final, he’s free to spend less time with his family and more quality time with skanky porn stars.

4. Abstinence. Virtual reality game where people practice not having sex. Kind of like being in high school again, only geekier.

5. Paul Allen. Sues Google, Apple etc for violating patents on grabbing user attention. If he patents gratuitous use of boobs, we’re screwed.

6. Microsoft. Introduces Bing for Android. The world’s only Google/Microsoft fanboy just spontaneously combusted.

7. Google Voice. Bringing Dr. Who-style phone booths to airports. Long distance calls are free, but time/space teleportation will cost ya.

9. Digg. Power users pissed at new Digg, stage revolt. If Kevin Rose isn’t careful, he’s gonna find a flaming bag of poop on his doorstep.

8. Craigslist. 17 state AGs ask it to stop running Adult ads. The other 33? Wondering why that $40 hooker had a 5 o’clock shadow.

10. Harry Poppers. Want to get laid wearing one of these Harry Potter-themed condoms? You’d better have a magic wand.

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