Rants In Our Pants

The TechList: Diaz Kills, Facebook Ills

This week in tech: Cameron Diaz may kill your PC, Facebook says your Places or mine, Google’s hitting the silver screen, and watch out for creepy Uncle Eric.

By (@tynanwrites)

August 21, 2010

1. Cameron Diaz. Named "most dangerous celebrity" by McAfee. Hey that bitch almost destroyed our computers. Also, she gave us Chlamydia.

2. Verizon. May unveil Android-powered gPad this fall. We hear it’s extremely responsive, but only if you keep touching its gSpot.

3. Facebook. Unveils Places location service. That’s not paranoia; you really are being followed by a sweaty 26-yo billionaire in a hoodie.

4. Intel. Buys McAfee for $7.7 billion. We told them not to take the blue acid. But did they listen?

5. Google. Movie about search giant coming to theaters. We hear they’ve signed Howdy Doody to play Eric Schmidt.

6. Wired. Web is dead, says editor Chris Anderson. Not yet dead: His ability to generate tons of publicity via dumbass pronoucements.

7. Like.com. Officially acquired by Google. Proving that if TechCrunch reports the same thing often enough it will eventually come true.

8. HP. To sell iPad-killing tablet based on WebOS. Because we all know how successful that strategy was for Palm.

9. Anna Paquin. True Blood’s Sookie Stackhouse bares all for Rolling Stone cover. We see why Sookie rhymes with nookie.

10. Eric Schmidt. Urge young’uns to change digital identities to escape watchful eye of Google. Also to avoid visits from creepy Uncle Eric.

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter