Rants In Our Pants

Smile! My Shirt Is Recording You

Scientists are showing off a new kind of high-tech fiber that could turn your t-shirt into a gigantic camera. Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

By (@JRRaphael)

July 7, 2009

 Fiber CameraHere’s lookin’ at you, kid. No, seriously. I’m filming you through my hoodie.

Sound unreal? It’s not as far-fetched as you’d think (at least, not the part about filming you — the idea of me wearing a hoodie is admittedly a bit silly). Scientists from MIT have just announced a breakthrough in an advanced kind of “optical fiber web” — a collection of tiny light-detecting fibers that can turn a regular garment into a flexible, functioning camera.

Lest you think we’re making this up, behold this quote from MIT Associate Professor Yoel Fink (and if you don’t believe a guy with a name like Yoel Fink, you aren’t going to believe anyone): “This is the first time that anybody has demonstrated that a single plane of fibers, or ‘fabric,’ can collect images just like a camera but without a lens.”

Without a lens — and with a bunch of Bond-like goodness that’ll put your Nikon to shame. The image-capturing fibers, you see, let you view what they’re recording in real-time. The data gets beamed to a built-in display screen on a special visor you wear. That means you’re able to actively see what’s happening on all sides of you — or, if you “accidentally” leave your garment behind at a hot gal pal’s house, what’s happening in her room after hours. (Not that we advocate that sort of thing.)
Popped Collar
One word of highly scientific caution: Be careful not to pop your collar while using the superfiber-camera apparatus. Between the hoodie and the visor, you’re already running a risk of being flagged down by the universal douche patrol. One more douchey move could catapult you into full-blown assclown status, and all the gadgets in the world can’t undo that kind of damage.

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