Apple Files Patent for the Filing of Patents

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Having already attempted to claim the rights of practically everything under the sun, Apple has now filed a patent for the filing of patents, eSarcasm has learned.

“Apple innovated the modern patent-filing process,” a company spokesperson explains. “That’s what we’re telling you, anyway, so odds are, you’ll believe it.”

The patent-filing patent is the latest in a long line of attempts by Apple to gain ownership of commonly used concepts. Word broke last week, for example, that the company had filed a patent for smartphone apps that manage travel plans. Within that patent, Apple provided an illustration of someone else’s product to help define its request. (Yes, seriously.)

By filing a patent for the filing of patents, Apple hopes to prevent other organizations from ever attempting to take credit for anything again.

“When something is as magical as the way we fill out a patent form, it has to be protected,” Apple CEO Steve Jobs said during an impromptu press briefing on Friday.

“We plan on patenting the use of impressive-sounding but actually meaningless sentences next, so don’t even think about stealing that, either,” he added.

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