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Top 12 Rejected Microsoft Slogans

Picking Microsoft’s new tagline (“Be What’s Next”) wasn’t easy. Here are some alternative slogans that didn’t quite make the cut.

By (@eSarcasm)

July 26, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Don’t look now, but Microsoft has a new corporate tagline. Here it is. Ready?

Yep. That’s it. The good news? There are no wows starting now, no people with passion and/or potential, no friggin’ butterflies. So it could indeed be worse.

As always, Microsoft used a software algorithm to create the new tagline –  Windows Live Sloganator Ultimate Business Edition 2.0 (Service Pack 3b).  But it seems WLSUBE 2.0 had a few misfires along the way.

eSarcasm has gotten hold of a confidential Microsoft memo detailing the slogans that were considered but ultimately rejected. We present them here in descending order of popularity. 

12. Microsoft: Making life a living hell for almost 35 years.

11. Microsoft: Re-imagining the future by clingly blindly to the past.

10. Microsoft: We sweat the details — profusely, and with a distinct aroma of boiled cabbage.

9. Microsoft: When you want it done rite write right.

8. Microsoft: If it’s good enough for Clippy and Bob, it’s good enough for you.

7. Microsoft: Embracing porn since the days of ASCII-drawn boobs.

6. Microsoft: It’s simple. Use our products, get a blow job. Who could resist an offer like that?

5. Microsoft: Nobody ever got fired for choosing Microsoft. However, they do always get picked last for the softball team at company picnics.

4. Microsoft: BSOD-compatible since 1985.

3. Microsoft: Have you seen that chick named Anine Bing? Yeah — we totally hit that.

2. Microsoft: Without us, Apple wouldn’t look nearly so good.

And the number one rejected Microsoft corporate slogan is….

1. Fuck Vista.

We think that last one has a certain ring to it.

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