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Some Big News About Breasts

Something big is happening in the world of breast research. Really big. Super-duper big. Are you ready for this?

By (@JRRaphael)

July 23, 2010

Breast SizeGentlemen, prepare yourselves for the breast — err, sorry, best — news you’ve heard all day:

Women’s breasts are getting bigger.

We’re not talking about implants. We’re talking about an honest-to-goodness evolution in the natural size of female anatomy. This is science, people.

Well, sort of. The investigative team from the The Sydney Morning Herald set out on a mission to determine if breasts had actually grown larger over the last several decades. (Note to self: Apply for job with The Sydney Morning Herald.) They found average bra size in Australia has jumped from a 10B 50 years ago to a 14C today. (Note to self: Move to Australia.) How they determined that this jump was the result of a natural progression and not implants, we’re not sure — but given that the story’s author was a woman, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to spend several hours speculating in great visual detail. (Note to self: Contact author of story.)

The Herald crew does cite some “international research” by bra-maker Triumph as well as some first-hand (and presumably also second-hand) analysis from the editors at FHM. Their conclusion, and I quote: “We’re in the middle of a breast-size revolution.” Hoo-ah.

Large BreastsThe reason for the revolution, according to the story, may be tied to nutrition: Women are eating far more protein nowadays than in the days of yore. (Insert obligatory blowjob joke here.) Puberty is also beginning earlier in girls, which may result in higher lifelong estrogen levels. And finally, chemicals in our environment — in everything from food to plastic bottles, even the increasingly common birth control pills — could be taking a toll on the ta-ta’s of the world.

Still, doctors interviewed for the Herald‘s story are skeptical about what’s really going on with those gazombas. As Monash University women’s health specialist Susan Davis puts it:

Something’s happening, and we’re all noticing larger breasts, even for young, slender women, but there’s still no quality research being done on it.

Ms. Davis, you can count on us. We are ready and willing to help you study this pressing issue — and when it comes to our research, we always take a high-quality, hands-on approach.

So, Ms. D, we’ll await your call. In the meantime, you can rest assured we’ll begin some preliminary data-gathering of our own. Because hey, this is important stuff. And scientific discovery can’t be delayed.

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