Rants In Our Pants

eSarcasm eStore to Change eCommerce as We Know It

New online shop promises to be magical, revolutionary, and life changing, though probably not all at the same time, founders say.

By (@tynanwrites)

July 21, 2010

Amazon, watch your back. Buy.com? You’re toast. Shopping.com? Please, homefry — you ain’t even a playah.

In a blog post late last week, eSarcasm’s founding partners announced the unveiling of the debut of the launch of the eStore, a one-of-a-kind online emporium featuring the same kinds of crap you can get everywhere else on the Web, only with eSarcasm’s inimitable brand of snark and (cough) good taste.

Among the goods available: T-shirts of varying sizes and captions, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets, stickers, boxers, and thongs. Yes, thongs.

“We look forward to dominating the world of eCommerce and putting Amazon.com completely out of business,” says site co-founder and chief body fluids officer (CBFO) JR Raphael. “We anticipate the new eStore will bring in tens of dollars of revenue, boosting our annual income into the high two figures.”

Backend transactions and fulfillment will be handled entirely by the fine folks at Cafe Press, so Raphael and Tynan don’t have to learn how to make correct change or operate a Pitney-Bowes machine.

Though it’s only been open for a few days, already thousands hundreds handfuls of people have poured through its virtual doors and rummaged its virtual shelves, though they may have just been looking for their keys, says co-founder and live animal trainer Dan Tynan.

“Finally we can start to pay off those loan sharks,” he adds. “I’m almost out of fingers.”

UPDATE: Raphael and Tynan added they are actively seeking eSarcasm readers willing to model their wares for use in advertising at the site. Though no exchange of currency is likely, models will enjoy the fame and prestige that comes with being associated with an award-winning humor site* and they’ll get to keep whatever goods they end up modeling for free. Interested parties should send a photo and a short note listing their qualifications to models@esarcasm.com.

*Awards still pending

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter