Alternate Reality

BP Found Guilty of Crimes Against Photoshop (and Also the Planet)

The oil company everyone hates has screwed us again — this time, using Photoshop. Thank God the bloggers of America were there to stop them before it was too late.

By (@tynanwrites)

July 21, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

It appears BP is trying to pull a fast one on us. Not only has it been dumping 37 billion gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico every goddamned day, it’s also editing the images on its Web site. Badly. And that has some people really steamed.

Because fucking the environment repeatedly in the ass is bad enough. But poor Photoshop skills? That’s crossing a line. Fortunately, the bloggers of America are on the job, keeping BP and its photo-desecrating heathens honest.

What exactly did BP do? It changed some of the onscreen images at its Houston Command Center to make it look like those guys were busier than they really were. Horrifying, we know.

Though some of the changes are subtle, they can be spotted when comparing the photos side by side. Here’s the original photo without any editing:

As you can see, some of the screens are blank and/or filled with very blurry porn. The guy in the middle is clearly doing a crossword puzzle, while the one on the far right is watching "The Outer Limits."

Now here’s the edited image BP posted to its Web site:

There are several obvious discrepancies in this image:

* The trio of hard working, crossword puzzle-solving BP monitor watchers have been replaced by Joel and the bots from Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Clearly this is in error; everyone knows Joel left the show after  Episode 512 and was replaced by Mike Nelson.

* As far as we’ve been able to determine, Bender the Robot doesn’t swing that way.

* Though Professor Smith is left handed, he appears to be swinging the sledgehammer using his right hand.

* We think 00PrettyGirl is at least a 7.50, not a 6.00.

* I can feel it, Dave.

Many thanks to the eagle-eyed bloggers of America who brought this vital issue to our attention. We can all sleep a little easier tonight.

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  • Santnamor2013

    LOL! great job guys!!! making fun of those f* BP guys…They could not only be satisfied with dumping petroleum, but they also had to add chemical dispersants on it!! (???)….they are either totally insane or fully out-of-date workers….or both!

  • pchrun

    I think I found a few more BP lies. Could it really be that BP has released images of penguins, walruses and orcas frolicking in the Gulf of Mexico?

    We report, you decide.

    FUNNY, check it out.

  • BP continuously proves itself that it's a leader in blogosphere fodder with these latest imageries. And what about that helicopter photographs? Photoshop tennis anyone?

  • Warning!Warning!

    That's Dr. Smith, not Professor Smith. Please keep your Lost In Space trivia straight…

    • After the show was canceled Dr. Smith secured a teaching position at the East Manchester Home for Wayward Boys. We stand by our story. — The Editors