BREAKING: Apple to Unveil Hardware Fix for iPhone 4

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Apple will reveal a solution today to the iPhone 4’s reception problems, eSarcasm has learned. Sources close to Apple have confirmed the company is working feverishly on an external, head-mounted antenna – dubbed the “Mantenna” – which it will unveil at a press conference special event scheduled for 10 am PST on Friday.

eSarcasm has obtained photos of Apple CEO Steve Jobs testing the Mantenna prior to today’s conference. According to our sources, the device improves the iPhone 4’s reception dramatically no matter how the phone is held, though it is not recommended for use during lightening storms.

Details about the Mantenna were sketchy at press time, though it is believed Apple will offer the device to registered iPhone 4 users for less than $50, not including the optional salad spinner attachment.

Engineers are working round the clock to make the deadline for today’s press conference, which will be hosted by Old Spice Guy Isaiah Mustafa.  It is not known whether Mustafa will wear his customary towel or cover his ridiculously perfect abs with a black turtleneck.

Crank calls to Apple’s PR department and messages sent to Steve Jobs’ email account were not returned by press time.

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