Double Your Entendre: 12 Unintentionally Dirty Headlines
Do you have a dirty mind? If you interpret these seemingly innocent news headlines the same way we did, the answer is probably yes.
As a writer these days, life is all about filling holes. The Web’s insatiable appetite for hard news means there’s always another subject to penetrate — and you’d better believe that the competition is stiff.
Writing a good headline — or “head,” as it’s known in the biz — is a fine art. When you’re trying to give the world great heads, you see, you’re under intense pressure to spurt out excellent material. In the end, it’s a balancing act: showing you have a firm grasp on the subject without going so far as to shove your expertise down anyone’s throat.
Even the most cunning linguists, then, occasionally slip in a double entendre (or four) by mistake. Here are a dozen of the best accidentally dirty headlines we’ve seen.
For more unintentionally suggestive language, be sure to check out “20 Funny (and Unfortunate) Company Names” and “12 Preposterous Product Names” next. Where else can you find things like the Young Dong Restaurant, Cum Park Plaza, and Jussipussi bread?
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1. “Ruler Can’t Measure Johnson’s Impact”
Men have been telling this to their girlfriends for years.
2. “After Sex Sting, AP Governor Tiwari Ejects Prematurely”
Hey, it happens to the best of us.
3. “The Secret Tip to Getting Pregnant”
Here’s a hint, ladies: It’s in his pants.
4. “New Yorkers Text Hi-Tech Beavers”
Is it just us, or is that an awfully crude way to describe sexting?
5. “Tired Gay Succumbs to Dix in 200 Meters”
Give the guy a break — he was tired, after all.
6. “Large Moon of Uranus May Explain Odd Tilt”
Luckily, the angle of the dangle can help compensate.
7. “Microsoft’s Bing Grabs Hold of Zuckerberg’s Firehose”
No wonder he was sweating through his hoodie.
8. “Nationals ‘Aggressively Pursuing’ Wang”
Good for them — sometimes you have to assert yourself to get what you want.
9. “French B.O. Up 9%”
Dirty in the literal sense. Also, this is news?
10. “Small Balls Reveal Skills of Better Bowlers”
Finally, a win for the little guy.
11. “Microsoft Plans ‘Hardcore’ Tablet Thrust”
Steve Ballmer and hardcore thrusting? Yikes — no thanks.
12. “Wood: ‘I Feel Great’”
An endorsement countless women can get behind.
The laughs continue: Click over to “20 Funny (and Unfortunate) Company Names” next for even more
unfortunate-word-choice hilarity.
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