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Smells Like Geek Spirit

Sony’s started spraying retail stores with the scents of vanilla, mandarin, and bourbon — and it’s not the only tech giant playing with the power of aroma.

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Retail SmellsIs it just us, or is Best Buy starting to smell a little less like foot and a little more like lavender?

Companies are increasingly turning to aromas to help influence your mood, according to a recent report by ABC News. The story says Sony is leading the way among electronics retailers, spraying a carefully concocted combo of vanilla, mandarin, and bourbon into its stores.

(No joke: The vanilla apparently puts women at ease, the mandarin makes the joint feel extra classy, and the bourbon — well, we all know what the bourbon does.)

While Sony may be the first major player to come clean about its scent-affecting strategy, eSarcasm has learned other tech giants are experimenting with smells of their own. Just wait till you get a whiff of what we found.

FacebookMark Zuckerberg Hoodie

Has begun pumping AXE Twist body spray into the ventilation system at its Palo Alto headquarters. It’s a good thing, too — the place was starting to smell like the inside of Mark Zuckerberg’s hoodie.

Apple

Every Apple Store maintains a precise 30-30-40 ratio of orange peel, butter, and beard-dye scent in its air. It may seem arbitrary and counter to common logic — but so do most of Steve Jobs’ commands, and Apple fanboys have yet to complain.

GoogleGoogle Money

Everywhere you go in the Googleplex, you’ll encounter the delightfully intoxicating smell of money. They’re not actually using it as a scent, though; it’s what they use to insulate the walls of their buildings. Hey, they’ve got to put it somewhere.

Microsoft

The company’s new retail stores are infused with a mix of flop-sweat and B.O. Two reasons: (1) The unique combo makes diehard Microsoft fanboys think Steve Ballmer might be in the building; (2) The putrid smell makes everyone else think longingly about the word “windows.”

MySpace

Since MySpace started augmenting its air supply with Hooker’s Eve feminine hygiene spray (the labial freshener used by four out of five adult sex workers), the number of stray cats hanging around outside its LA headquarters has dropped by more than half.

AT&T

Rich with the aroma of brimstone and charred flesh. What else would hell smell like?

Twitter

The San Francisco offices of Twitter enjoy a series of continually shifting fragrances made from potpourri, patchouli, citron, old hashtags, and ground unicorn horns, each lasting for 140 seconds or less.
Smelly Cat

Chatroulette

The company’s low-key headquarters smell like old jock strap. We’re pretty sure this one is unintentional, though.

RadioShack

All corporate-owned locations now feature the smell of rotting wood and mold. Also unintentional; that’s just what happens when a building sits abandoned and unvisited for 14 years.
Tom Smykowski Office Space

Aol!

Infused with the aromas of sweaty undershirts, premature emissions, and burnt popcorn. Because they all smell like failure, something longtime staffers are used to.

TechCrunch

What do TC’s offices smell like? Three words: Arrington loves burritos. It’s all part of his incentive system. Writers whose posts get the most traffic get to move further away from him.

Yahoo

Smells like Alpha Dream’s Charme for Women perfume. Because that’s what Carol wears, godammit. Got a problem with it? Go fuck off.






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