Rants In Our Pants

The Steve Jobs E-Mail Generator

So you've fired off an e-mail to the Great Man and now you're anxiously awaiting a reply? Wait no longer. Our e-mail bot can crank out a Jobsian response to any question.

If there's one thing you can say about Steve Jobs, it's that the guy has a real way with words.

Steve Jobs Email Generator Aside from his love of beautiful, wonderful, really amazing adjectives, Jobs has developed an amusing habit of replying to random users' e-mails from his official apple.com account. His responses are famously terse and direct -- things like:
Change your apps name. Not that big of a deal.
Just avoid holding it in that way.

And, of course, the most recent opus:
You are getting all worked up over a few days of rumors. Calm down.

(Yes, Apple PR denies that Stevie-boy actually sent that last one, but the blog that published the e-mail insists it's the real deal. Either way, it's not a far stretch from his past works, so we'll consider it as good as legit.)

Now, Jobs may be a god -- to the devoted Apple fanboy crowd, at least -- but he's still a busy guy. And that means he can't personally respond to every note that flutters into his inbox.

That's where eSarcasm comes in. We've captured the essence of the Steve Jobs e-mail experience and recreated it through a highly complex system of circuits, algorithms, and flux capacitors. It's something we call the Steve Jobs E-Mail Generator -- and, suffice it to say, it is both magical and revolutionary.

Simply type your message to Steve in the box below, then click "GO!" to get your response.


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  • Sixgunsam79

    I asked, “Do you and Woz polish each others knobs?” His answer:

    From: Steve Jobs
    Subject: Your email

    Look, porn is rotting the moral fiber of America's youth. And watching three large-breasted blondes doing a pizza delivery guy gets old after you've seen it 10,000 times. Trust me.


    Sent from my iPorn

  • JH

    I asked: “Why is this phone a piece of crap?”

    No, I do not require weekly transfusions of blood from teenage virgins. I don't know where these rumors get started. But if I have any other uses for teen virgins I'll let you know.


    Sent from my iLiver

  • Helai

    Q: Am I gay:

    A: This is Woz, isn't it? Dude, you're not fooling anyone.


    Sent from my iPad

  • Tom

    This was strange…

    Q: What do you think of the Samsung Galaxy Tab?

    A:From: Steve Jobs
    Subject: Your email

    Beautiful, magical, wonderful, blah blah blah. I already told you it's great. Stop asking questions.


    Sent from my iBall

    Sound's like Steve has pre-ordered his Galaxy Tab already…

  • Tom

    Q: What do you prefer – an iPhone or an Android phone?

    A:If the iPhone wasn't just totally great, would I use one? Of course I wouldn't. I'm friggin' Steve Jobs.


    Sent from my iPhone

    I think Steve prefers the iPhone…

  • Graham

    I asked “What’s with the hype?”

    From: Steve Jobs
    Subject: Your email

    If the iPhone wasn’t just totally great, would I use one? Of course I wouldn’t. I’m friggin’ Steve Jobs.


    Sent from my iPhone