Alternate Reality

Official: Steve Jobs Is In Cahoots with Porn Stars

New interviews add to a growing pile of evidence that Steve Jobs is a sexually compulsive porn addict. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@jr_raphael)

July 1, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

We here at eSarcasm knew it all along: Apple CEO Steve Jobs is a porn-loving sex fiend.

Steve Jobs Porn StarsAs if his slightly-too-adamant stance against smut weren’t proof enough, an actual porn maker is now publicly stepping out as Jobs’ first ally in his one-man battle against Adobe Flash.

The declaration was made by the founder of adult film studio Digital Playground (yes, its initials are DP — chalk it up to a happy coincidence). In an interview this week with ConceivablyTech.com, DP founder Ali Joone said HTML5 “is the future,” adding that he’s more than ready to stop offering his fornication films on Flash.

“As long as Steve keeps paying my girls top-dollar for their, err, after-hours ‘services,’ I’m more than willing to go along with whatever he says,” Joone probably remarked.

We spoke with DP porn star Sasha Grey about her interactions with Jobs. Grey wouldn’t elaborate on any specifics, but she did divulge that Jobs frequently tells her to “avoid holding it in that way.”

Previous eSarcasm investigations have revealed that Jobs is a sexually compulsive sadist and has had passionate affairs with both Kate Gosselin and Steve Wozniak.

We’ll bring you more details as they become available.






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