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12 Great Tweets Throughout the Ages

Think Twitter is only four years old? History’s greatest figures have been tweeting for centuries. Here’s what Jesus, Genghis Khan, Napoleon, & others had to say (in 140 characters or less).

By (@tynanwrites)

June 23, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Though Twitter was only invented in 2006, people have been tweeting for centuries. In fact, researchers at Cornell University have found what they term “Twitter like” entries in 200 year old diaries.

Well, No shit, Sherlock. Since the first cavedweller dropped a rock on his toe, bellowed “damn, that fucking hurt,” then rushed off to tell his friends what happened to him that day, Twitter has been with us in one form or another.

Whether carved into mud tablets, scratched onto papyrus or scribbled on parchment, tweets have existed since the dawn of human culture. Here, for the first time ever, we reveal a dozen of history’s more notable ones (and no, Ashton is not among them).

Hector of Troy:

@TroyBoy Yo @odysseus: Awesome wooden horse, dude. You guys rock. Next time you host and we’ll bring the keggers. #trojansrule

Jesus Christ:

@The_REAL_JC   What I had for lunch today: 5 loaves, 2 fish, and 5,000 unexpected guests. Oy, what a mishegas. #extremeportioncontrol

Genghis Khan:

@MongolMogul   Genghis Khan just became mayor of the entire known world. #onesquare

Leonardo Da Vinci:

@LennyD    Oh @Mona, bellissima, that little Madonna tramp meant nothing to me, I swear. (But… virgin? My ass.)

Christopher Columbus:

@CristoColumbo    RT @QueenIsabella: I still think you should have named them the Pena, the Puta, and the Gonorrhea. Just sayin. #ships #newworld

Napoleon:

@NappyDude    Sweet @Josephine: It’s not the size of the baguette, ma cherie, it’s the skill of the boulanger that counts. #thelittlegeneral

General George Armstrong Custer:

@BlondAmbition    Big battle tomorrow. Must wash hair. Looking forward to smoking that victory cigar. #littlebighorn

Captain Edward Smith:

@IceCap    God I hate these cruise line gigs. Sooooo bloody boring. Glad I brought this hip flask. #Titanic

Albert Einstein:

@E=MC2    I can unravel the intricacies of the time-space continuum yet still I cannot locate my pants. It’s all relative, I guess. #trousers

Adolph Hitler:

@MeinFuhrer    When I told @Goering to kill all the Jews I didn’t mean my tailor. Do you know how hard it is to get unterhosen to hang correctly? #dumkopf

Lee Harvey Oswald:

@LHO    If I see that friggin’ Twitter fail whale one more time I swear I’m gonna shoot somebody. #dallas #bookdepository #grassyknoll

BP CEO Tony Hayward:

@OilSlut    Yes, we’ve decided to drill into the ocean floor at 10,000 feet with no safeguards. What could possibly go wrong? #assclown






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Comments

  • ManOnMoon

    @TeacherInSpace What does this button do? #spaceShuttle

    • Dan

      no, that's Famous Final Tweets, a good idea for another story. thanx.

  • iluvium

    Very witty, yet reminds me of the absurdity of Twitter, haha!

  • Miss_kul504

    I would like to hire u to find me. Nickname… Or Twitter handle really.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      my rates are $500 a day plus expenses. but once I find you, what am I supposed to do with you?