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eSarcasm in Late-Stage Negotiations to Acquire TechCrunch

Yes, TC is apparently for sale, and we’re apparently buying them. Even we can’t keep these things straight.

By (@tynanwrites)

June 21, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

eSarcasm is close to finalizing a deal that would allow it to acquire the assets of news/rumor/innuendo site TechCrunch, eSarcasm has learned.

The impending sale of the reviled beloved infrequently accurate tech news site was first revealed in a series of tweets by blog impresario and self-love expert Jason Calacanis, who twote:

In the same exchange, Calacanis added that he both loves and hates TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington like a father, and called him "the Martha Stewart of TC only with a bigger ass, if that’s possible."*

Closes source to the deal say the two sides have agreed on a purchase price and are now negotiating the fate of TechCrunch staffers — in particular, which if any of the eSarcasm principals gets to bunk with the dishy Evelyn Rusli on company retreats, and who gets stuck with Erick Schonfeld.

eSarcasm founder JR Raphael refused to comment on any negotiations, saying he was too busy browsing for offshore tax havens in the Caymans.

Rumors about TechCrunch’s impending sale have been swirling since founder Michael Arrington abruptly moved to Seattle earlier this year. At first, it was thought the TechCrunch doyenne was suffering from a dangerously enlarged ego and moved to the northwest to jump the line for a humility transplant.

It is now clear Arrington fled to Great Northwest to avoid paying taxes on the sale of TechCrunch, especially California’s dreaded FRAT (Filthy Rich Asshole Tax), assessed on people who already have too much money and not enough ways to spend it.

More news on this story as it develops.

*The Martha Stewart bit is actually true; the ass part not so much (though I’ve seen her ass up close, and it truly is enormous).

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  • I hope you guys asked for free Macs as part of the purchase.

    Normally when a company is acquired, the new owners hire the old owner on as a temporary consultant for a period of time, which not only reassures customers that the new owners will hew to the same standards as the old management, but also helps to ensure that the old owner doesn't immediately compete with his old creation. Can I assume that the negotiations include the temporary retention of Arrington in such an advisory capacity? And if so, what will his official title be?

  • Wanksta

    That means you'll get us ( too since TC acquired us in April