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Are You a Sexsomniac?

If there’s one title worth listing on your resumé, “sexsomniac” might be it. Dr. Smartass looks into what’s arguably the oddest (and most unintentionally slutty) medical condition known to man.

By (@doctorsmartass)

June 14, 2010

Got a question for Dr. Smartass? E-mail doc [at] esarcasm.com.

Dr. SmartassWhen it comes to sexual habits, my frisky friends, there’s a term for nearly every quirk, habit, and preference. Today, however, we tackle a sexual label even the most fervent fornicators probably haven’t heard.

From my inbox:

Dear Dr. Smartass,

My girlfriend told me I’m a “sexsomniac” because she says I even try to get in her pants while we’re sleeping. WTF? Is that a real thing?

-Kurt

Kurt, you horny, sleepy bastard — your girlfriend may be telling you the truth. Sexsomnia is, in fact, a real medical condition. And some new research suggests it affects far more people than previously thought.

Sexsomnia, as you’ve probably figured out, is the practice of initiating sexual activity while you snooze. And not in the “I’m 13 and just woke up with sticky shorts” sense, either.

SexsomniaResearchers from Toronto’s University Health Network Sleep Research Lab say as many as 8 percent of people with sleeping disorders could suffer from sexsomnia (though your dear Dr. S thinks “suffering” is probably the wrong word). No surprise, the docs say the condition is far more common in men than women — by about three times, in fact.

So what kind of kinky things might you do in your sleep if you’re a true sexsomniac? There’s no telling. One scientist describes the condition as “acting out the sexual content of an erotic dream.” Let’s just hope you aren’t dreaming about mechaniphilia, or you may end up with your willie in your car’s tailpipe instead of your gal-pal’s.

Now, full-on sleep sex isn’t something most of us will ever experience, much to your virtual doc’s regret: The researchers point out that their patients had all been referred to sleep clinics and thus were not a true sampling of the general, non-sleep-disorder-diagnosed population. So Kurt, it’s possible you could be afflicted with the nighttime feelie-uppers, but you may want to hold off on the “Sexsomniac” business cards until you’ve been fully evaluated.

Remember:

  What you do in your sleep is out of your control,
  So warn guests and pets to plug up their holes
  If you wake up one day and feel that something’s wrong,
  Don’t wait, don’t delay — just go and wash your dong.

Until next time,

Dr. Smartass






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