Alternate Reality

TechCrunch Lies About Some Guy Lying About Something Nobody Cares About

Stop the presses: TechCrunch says some guy claimed to delete his Facebook account, but really didn’t. And then he lied about it. OMG. What could possibly happen next?

By (@jr_raphael)

June 12, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

TechCrunch Jason Calacanis FacebookTechCrunch is lying about some guy lying about deleting his Facebook account, eSarcasm has learned.

In a highly ambitious two-part investigative series published on Friday, the acclaimed journalists of TechCrunch revealed that Jason Calacanis — an Internet-”famous” douchebag the majority of Americans have never heard of — had not actually deleted his Facebook account even though he said he had. And, equally uninteresting even more shocking, Calacanis lied to try to cover up the completely irrelevant incredibly scandalous story.

According to a tip received by eSarcasm early this morning, TechCrunch Senior Non-News Writer MG Siegler fabricated the entire plot as part of a ploy to make both himself and Calacanis appear relevant. Neither of them, the tipster says, has any valid reason to be discussed or listened to by anyone other than his own respective mother.

Calacanis has made news for no valid reason on several occasions before, such as when he decided to stop blogging and when he made up some random shit about the iPad.

Siegler, on the other hand, has previously written such riveting reports as “Source: Arrington to Buy iPhone 4” and “Bieber on Twitter: He’s Talking to the 2 Million Girls at His Disposal.”

We’ll continue to update you on these breaking developments as soon as they become even remotely interesting to us or anyone else.






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Comments

  • One

    “Neither of them, the tipster says, has any valid reason to be discussed or listened to by anyone other than his own respective mother.” – Then why are you discussing them you incomparable douchebag?

    P.S. Your site is truly shitty. Seriously

    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      There's no easy way to say this…but I'm their mother.

      Hugs and kisses,

      JR

      • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

        SOURCE: JR Raphael calls himself a mother!

        I was wondering if you were going to mention the “Arrington to buy an iPhone” story (brought to you by Yammer).

  • Dan

    so I'm taking bets. “One” above is either Calcanis or Siegler. I'm betting Calcanis. You?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Ferengi/1163857707 Bobby Ferengi

    the question is, who's the bigger douchebag in this collection of DBs. it's not the author.

  • Dan

    so I'm taking bets. “One” above is either Calcanis or Siegler. I'm betting Calcanis. You?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Ferengi/1163857707 Bobby Ferengi

    the question is, who's the bigger douchebag in this collection of DBs. it's not the author.