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10 Fun Ways to Get on AT&T’s Bad Side

AT&T doesn’t like people e-mailing its CEO — but it doesn’t stop there. eSarcasm has identified 10 other actions that’ll have AT&T’s legal team up your ass in a hurry.

By (@JRRaphael)

June 3, 2010

AT&T Legal ThreatsAT&T cares about customer satisfaction. Just so long as it doesn’t inconvenience its precious CEO.

AT&T customer Giorgio Galante discovered that the hard way this week. Giorgio, according to Engadget, sent a couple of friendly-enough e-mails to AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson — two e-mails in two weeks, to be precise. One, Galante says, asked to bump up his iPhone upgrade eligibility date; the other expressed his dissatisfaction with AT&T’s new capped data plans.

Rather than hearing back silence or even a boilerplate response, Galante says he received a threat of legal action. A voicemail posted to Galante’s blog finds “Brent” from AT&T’s “executive response team” thanking Galante for his feedback, then going on to say if Galante continues to e-mail Stephenson, he’ll find a cease and desist letter on his front porch.

Sweet sassy molassey, AT&T. Even Chairman Jobs himself wouldn’t pull off a dick move like that.

eSarcasm dug a little deeper and discovered e-mailing AT&T’s CEO isn’t the only thing that’ll get you in deep doodoo with the company. After hours of intensive research, we can confirm that any of these 10 actions will also result in threats from AT&T’s legal loons:

AT&T Icon10. Calling AT&T’s corporate office at 11:22 a.m. every day to ask who ordered the pu-pu platter.

AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson and Stephen ColbertAT&T Icon9. Suggesting that AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson might actually be a character played by Stephen Colbert.

AT&T Icon8. Performing the name song (“Randall, Randall, bo-bandall, banana fana fo-fandall…”) via megaphone outside AT&T’s HQ. You can sing it once, but if you hit that verse a second time, get ready for a Shrek-sized shitstorm.

AT&T Icon7. Publicly suggesting that AT&T is not the most evil company in the world. They worked hard for that title; you’d better believe they take it seriously.

AT&T Icon6. Listing AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson’s contact information in a Craigslist’s Adult Services ad. Especially if it’s entitled: “Sensual massage, verrrrry happy ending ;-)”

AT&T Icon5. Addressing AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson as “Jobs Junior.”

AT&T Icon4. Dressing up as AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson for Halloween. Yes, even if you don’t include the devil’s horns.

AT&T Luke Wilson PostcardsAT&T Icon3. Tossing postcards all over AT&T’s lobby while saying names of random cities. Then, when approached by security, insisting you’re Luke Wilson and that you need to “set the record straight.”

AT&T Icon2. Convincing Randall Stephenson’s dentist to only let him schedule appointments for “sometime between 9 a.m. and 1 p.m.” or “sometime between 1 p.m. and 6 p.m.”

And finally, the easiest way to get on AT&T’s bad side in a hurry…

AT&T Icon1. Forcing AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson to use an AT&T cell phone.

(AT&T Dr. Evil image courtesy attcritic.blogspot.com)

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