Alternate Reality

Verizon Is Not Going to Like What We Found

eSarcasm has uncovered a script for an upcoming Verizon ad that addresses the lost iPhone and lost Droid prototypes. Boy oh boy, are those guys gonna be pissed.

By (@JRRaphael)

May 26, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Following the discovery of an unreleased Droid at a Washington gym this week, Verizon is preparing a new series of ads for its ongoing “Droid Does” campaign, eSarcasm has learned.
Verizon 'Lost Droid' Ad
The new Droid ads will continue to assault Apple’s iPhone, focusing now on the fact that the leaked Droid turned up in a fitness facility while the famously leaked iPhone surfaced at a bar.

eSarcasm obtained an early draft of a script.*

“Should a phone be a drunken buffoon?” the script reads. “Should it be a peanut-gobbling, speech-impaired barfly? Or should it be fit — muscle-bound bodybuilder benching hundreds of pounds fit?”

Apple is rumored to be working on a counter-campaign that claims the “Droid is on roids.”

When reached for comment, representatives from both companies told us to go fuck ourselves.

* UPDATE: The script was left behind in the VIP room of a local strip club. Upon closer inspection, it appears it may have been written by dancer “Candi” as a ploy to get us to buy more lap dances.**

** UPDATE 2: Upon closer inspection of our wallets, it appears the ploy worked.

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