Microsoft Expands Hotmail Upgrade to Include Other Antiquated Services

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Following its recently unveiled upgrade to the Hotmail Web messaging service, Microsoft is now announcing updates to Windows 3.1, Microsoft Encarta, and several other products no one actually uses.

“Since we were making such a fuss over Hotmail, we figured we might as well upgrade a few other services the world has long forgotten,” a Microsoft spokesperson explains.

“Like Hotmail, we’re confident no one has given two shits about these products in at least 16 years,” the spokesperson continues.

Microsoft’s pointless upgrade effort will also include Microsoft Bob, DOS 1.0, and Internet Explorer.

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