Pork Swords, Shuttlecocks, and the Domain Disaster
Forget dot-com — the Internet’s about to have hundreds of new top-level domains, and it’s going to get messy. Especially if we have anything to do with it.
Get ready for what may be the worst mess the Internet’s ever seen. Regulators are meeting this week to figure out the logistics of a new system that’ll create hundreds of new domain suffixes — you know, the dot-com or dot-net parts of a URL. In more mundane terms, we’re about to see more types of Web addresses than Kim Kardashian’s seen pork swords.
The proposal, tentatively set to go into effect early next year, would let anyone apply for their own custom suffix — anything from .microsoft to .softcoreporn. The suffixes could be as long as 63 characters, too, meaning I could conceivably move my Web site from jrstart.com to jrstart.i-like-baked-potatoes-but-i-don’t-care-for-sour-cream-or-chives. In fact, I just might.
Now, there would be some restrictions: You’d have to have a full business plan, be able to meet all sorts of technical requirements, and — oh yeah — be willing to drop a couple hundred grand on the name. The custom suffixes would cost a cool $185,000 to snag, then an additional $75,000 a year after that, if the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) gets its way.
Well, shucks, if Apple is suddenly going to own apple.com, buy.apple, apple.buy, and apple.store, I guess we at eSarcasm need to get in on the action as well. We’re technological trendsetters, after all; we don’t want to get left behind. Consider this the official launch, then, of the eSarcasm.Shuttlecock Fundraising Initiative. Why eSarcasm.Shuttlecock? Because it’s awesome, that’s why. And it’s way better than this boring old dot-com crap we have now.
Join us in raising $185,000 to secure our new identity. With your support, we can make it happen. And, just because I care, I’ll get us started right now with the initial donation. Making the transfer from my online banking system now….and, done.
All right, only $184,997.50 left to go. Please mail all contributions directly to me. Cash preferred.
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