Extra-Small Condoms for Guys Who Lack Size

A Swiss prophylactics company aims to sell teensy weensy rubbers to teens. We think maybe they should stick to making chocolate and yodeling.

By (@tynanwrites)

April 29, 2010

Via the blog (must reading here at eSarcasm) comes news of a product that’s likely to make a dent — a very small dent — in the prophylactics market: The Hotshot, an extra-small condom for males who fail to register on the peter meter.

Created by Swiss company Lambrecht AG, the Hotshot is about 25 percent smaller than your typical rocket pocket. Lambrecht is apparently hoping to capture the elusive market of sexually active 12- to 14-year-old boys who are willing to admit their package is mostly lackage.

Another plus: Since the condoms will only be needed for between 5 and 15 seconds, they may be reused multiple times before needing replacement.


The condoms have been for sale in Switzerland and are expected to be distributed in the U.K. as well; the country has the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe, in spite of various sex education efforts.

The explanation is obvious: Swiss condoms are designed by the same people responsible for Swiss cheese. Duh.

Great idea, Lambrecht AG. After all, what a 13-year-old boy really wants to do more than anything is to walk into a drug store and ask the crone behind the counter for rubbers built for males with  especially small sexual organs. That’ll get them away from their XBoxes. No doubt.

But "Hotshot"? We think the product name lacks a certain je ne sais quoi. Here are some alternate suggestions:

Dinky Winky

Teenie Peenie

Li’l Pete

Junior Johnson

Short Stack

Tom Thumb


Jimmie Cricket

Mini Me


*This is the Starbucks version.

The Swiss: Great at banking, chocolate-making, and yodeling. Prophylactics, not so much.

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