Alternate Reality

Gizmodo PC Arrested in iPhone 4G Raid

San Mateo police have arrested Jason Chen’s laptop in connection with the stolen Apple iPhone prototype; PC insists it is innocent. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

April 27, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Gizmodo blogger Jason Chen’s computer was arrested yesterday and is being held on charges of being an accessory to bribery, theft, extortion, and molestation of an underaged device.

Chen’s computer, described as “your average piece-of-shit Windows laptop,” is suspected of acting as go-between in a $5,000 deal that secured Gizmodo exclusive rights to fondle an iPhone prototype that had become drunk and disoriented in a San Jose beer garden last month. Chen allegedly held the iPhone captive for more than a week, during which he removed its outer casing and had his way with it.

California’s Rapid Enforcement Allied Computer Team (REACT) staked out the blogger’s modest San Mateo home all week, waiting for a moment when he actually left his house. It came last Friday evening, when Chen managed to slip off the GPS tracking anklet Gawker requires its bloggers to wear and enjoy a quiet dinner out with his spouse. When the couple returned, they found the police escorting his PC out in handcuffs.

“Geez, I hope they don’t find my stash of Hentai Donkey porn,” Chen is reported* to have said.

A spokesperson for REACT says the raid seeking evidence about a lost device that Gizmodo had already returned to Apple was in no way influenced by several profanity-laced phone calls from Steve Jobs at 3 AM, or the Apple CEO’s threat to buy San Mateo police headquarters and turn it into an Apple Store.

Because Chen’s PC is considered a flight risk, it is being held without bail or an Internet connection. However, it was allowed one phone call using a crappy 56K modem.

The PC’s attorney claims says he’s confident his client will be found innocent of all charges. “Chen, on the other hand,” he says, “is totally fucked.”

* This was reported by TechCrunch, so there’s a 94.7 percent chance it isn’t true.

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