Alternate Reality

‘Boobquake’ Event Causes Tremors Across America

Thousands of scantily clad women participating in a “Boobquake” event may have actually caused earthquakes. eSarcasm investigates.

By (@jr_raphael)

April 26, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

BoobquakeeSarcasm is tracking reports of tremors felt around the United States as an apparent result of the “Boobquake” demonstration taking place throughout the country.

Boobquake, an experiment organized by Purdue University student Jennifer McCreight, started as a response to an Iranian cleric’s claims that provocatively dressed women cause earthquakes.

“Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes,” the cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, was quoted as saying last Monday.

That same day, McCreight posted a blog on her personal site encouraging women to wear their most revealing outfits on April 26. She pegged the action as an experiment to scientifically determine if the cleric’s claims were actually true.

“On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own,” McCreight wrote. “I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. … With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake.”

Bouncing Breasts

Simulation of the type of Boobquake activity that may have led to nationwide tremors (Image courtesy U.S. Geological Survey)

With nearly 200,000 confirmed participants on the Boobquake Facebook event page, it appears McCreight’s experiment is starting to take hold. Already, a confirmed earthquake has struck the Philippines; now, the seismic activity may be reaching America.

At least 17 people have reported rumbling noises and low-grade ground-shaking since the start of the Boobquake demonstration this morning. The reports span much of the East Coast as well as scattered cities throughout Midwestern and Western America.

“I walked into my office, got my morning coffee, and made a few copies of our weekly agenda,” explains one woman, a paralegal participating in Boobquake from Chicago. “Within minutes, I heard a pounding rumble inside the building.”

Another woman, a Boobquake participant from Roanoke, Virginia, reported similar noises in a university coffee shop where she was having an early morning beverage.

“I’d been in there for about five minutes when one of the doors literally started shaking,” she says.

eSarcasm is monitoring the situation closely and will bring you any additional information as soon as it becomes available.

UPDATE: Seven more reports of rumblings have come in from cities across Midwestern America. Boobquake ChartAt least one incident includes minor structural damage — what appears to be some kind of earthquake-caused liquid chemical leak — within the interior of a building.

UPDATE 2: The U.S. Geological Survey says no significant seismic activity has been measured anywhere in the United States today. No word yet what might explain the numerous reports of tremors.

UPDATE 3: Upon analyzing the data, eSarcasm has discovered all instances of earthquake-like activity have been observed by women wearing revealing clothing as part of the Boobquake event. In each case, the tremors seem to have occurred three to five minutes after the woman entered a building.

UPDATE 4: The liquid from the aforementioned chemical leak has been identified as a non-threatening substance. Its origins are still not fully clear.

UPDATE 5: It appears all of the rumblings were actually just the result of guys whacking it in nearby bathrooms. Please disregard this story.






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Comments

  • dsimonds7

    That has to be the stupidest thing ive ever heard

  • dsimonds7

    That has to be the stupidest thing ive ever heard

  • http://www.mypleasure.com Brian

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  • ferret

    No significant activity??? Not enough particiPANTS. Cmon girls……

  • ferret

    No significant activity??? Not enough particiPANTS. Cmon girls……

  • mony