Rants In Our Pants

Get Your ‘Yes, Steve… I Want Porn’ Android Badge!

Steve Jobs says if you want “porn” — also known as an uncensored app store — you should go to Android. We accept his proposal. Do you?

By (@jr_raphael)

April 20, 2010

Android Porn BadgeWe like porn. We are dirty, sex-obsessed miscreants who need access to smut 24 hours a day.

Either that, or we just enjoy the idea of an uncensored, open society where a techno-dictator doesn’t decide what we can and cannot see. But in Steve Jobs‘ mind, the two are seemingly one and the same.

Jobs has a new mantra in the never-ending debate over Apple’s App Store censorship: If you want porn, go to Android. The concept first came up during the company’s iPhone 4 event, when Jobs answered a reporter’s question about why Apple doesn’t allow unsigned apps onto its devices.

“There’s a porn store for Android,” he said. “You can download nothing but porn. You can download porn, your kids can download porn. That’s a place we don’t want to go, so we’re not going to go there.”

(It’s true: You can download porn. You can also download unspeakably immoral things like satirical political cartoons, photos of girls in bikinis, and — gasp! — apps that contain competitors’ names in their titles.)

The Android-is-porn notion came up again this week, when Jobs reportedly answered a user’s e-mail about Apple’s ongoing censorship of not-even-remotely-X-rated applications. His response:

“We do believe we have a moral responsibility to keep porn off the iPhone. Folks who want porn can buy [an] Android phone.”

Well, Stevie-boy, we’ll bite: If “wanting porn” is what it takes to gain freedom of choice, then damn it, we want porn. Loads of it. And we’ll proudly tell that to the world.

If you feel the same, snag one of our new “Yes, Steve… I Want Porn” badges now. You can download the image for your profile photo/Web site/temporary penis tattoo below, or you can get it on a snazzy-looking t-shirt, sticker, or magnet here.

Thanks, Steve, for helping to clarify our dirty, dirty desires for free speech. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go look at some porn. For real, this time.

Android Porn Badge: 300×300

Android Porn Badge (300)

(Right-click on image to download)

Android Porn Badge: 150×150

Android Porn Badge (150)

(Right-click on image to download)

Android Porn Badge: 75×75

Android Porn Badge (75)

(Right-click on image to download)

Android Porn Badge: T-Shirts

Android Porn Shirt

(Click to see full selection and order your own)

Android Porn Badge: Magnets, Stickers, and Buttons

Android Porn Stickers

(Click to see full selection and order your own)






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Comments

  • polyGeek

    I guess Steve didn't see the video “The Internet is for Porn” :)

  • http://twitter.com/codephase Savvas Stephanides

    nice badge!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dan.tynan Dan Tynan

    we'll also tattoo this on your person for a small fee. (small fee if you're a hot woman looking for a tramp stamp. some 300 pound bruiser…. the fee goes up significantly.)

  • AquaGeek
    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      Nicely done, sir. Now let's make it more popular than that pickle that got more popular than Nickleback.

      • AquaGeek

        Definitely. Expose the Tyrant!

  • BuckeyeTom

    What about all the “aural porn” on iTunes? 'Course, that's bigger money and not competition.

  • Kevin

    It's a bit late in the day to stop wankers buying Apple products isn't it? That ship has sailed…

  • Steve

    Well I can see the people who are reading this article are biased. But being open minded I can say porn is fine when I choose it on my personal computer but for me it doesn't belong on my smart phone. All I need is for someone to borrow my phone and hit the wrong button at work. Purely unprofessional.

    • jabberranks

      Porn is lame. The people I've met that do porn have issues and need to man-up and learn how to be in a relationship. Bottom line is: Don't do things you would hide from other people.

      • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

        Exactly — that's why we created the “I Want Porn” badge, so everyone can proudly flaunt their fondness for fornication.

        We'll send you one on the house, along with a complimentary copy of Penthouse For Beginners.

      • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

        Exactly — that's why we created the “I Want Porn” badge, so everyone can proudly flaunt their fondness for fornication.

        We'll send you one on the house, along with a complimentary copy of Penthouse For Beginners.

        • Chris

          Well said man :)

        • http://www.facebook.com/onimenogarou Brian Thompson

          Can you send me one too? I hate porn…. :-P

  • bob

    You are missing the point. Its about freedom from monopolies. If you don't want porn don't go to those sites.

    • khyree misterree

      i agree with that. its mainly about being free to choose. if parents are so concerned about their children watching porn then they should just use parental controls instead of lamenting the fact that the content is not restricted which is ironic.

  • jh443

    This reminds me of the Edison / Westinghouse debate over whether the nation's power system should be AC or DC. Edison was all for DC, and said derisively that AC should be relegated to prisoner executions because that's what it does best (preying on the public's fear of electricity in general).

    Take a guess which won out.

    Porn may not be the epitome of apps… but it's not the insult that some would like it to be.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      we were thinking it was more like Tesla vs. Marconi and the invention of radio. but anything that's AC/DC is ok by us.

  • Flynn

    Fuck you guys and your porn obsession…..”Porn Free Internet” PLEASE!

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      God, we love it when you talk dirty. can we get your number?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=503413221 Evan Zerby

      What is that, he wants free internet pron? Damn dude look around!

  • Droidlover

    I am officially a huge fan of this. Gosh darn it.. Honestly, shame on Jobs for that comment. If he wants to ban pornography and that's all he's really worried about, there are easier ways to do that. Content filtering isn't the same as content monopolization, thank you very much, and digging on Android to do it just shows that Jobs knows he's doing something his users don't appreciate and something that cuts into the edge he'd otherwise have in the smartphone competition. This comment is just as immature as Apple suing Verizon over their “Droid DOES” campaign. Grow a pair and put your efforts into real competing, Steve, rather than wasting your ineffective efforts on public attempts at verbal slaps. They don't phase Android; all Android does is come out with another new phone/feature to slap you back. Whatchya gonna do?

  • http://vkelman-blog.blogspot.com/ vkelman

    I wish I knew Steve's home address to buy this thing for him

  • Chris

    Well said man :)

  • george c

    i don't like porn, it pisses me off. first they show a really hot woman playing with herself and while i'm watching she sort of becomes my girlfriend. and then suddenly in walks a guy with a big dick and starts fucking my girlfriend! it pisses me off

    • Joe

      absolutely. fucking bitch, i hate it when does that

    • PL

      two words “lesbian porn”.. :P

  • Lee

    long live mobile porn and android. screw steve jobs and Apple/iphone censorship. I have an HTC Incredible and I must say, http://www.ipinkvisual.com is an INCREDIBLE porn watching experience.

  • James Jobs

    i just realized something: if Steve Jobs and/or his wife don't watch porn, then he's a fucking HYPOCRITE!

  • James Jobs

    sorry. scratch that (and my previous comment can't be deleted so i'll type it again):
    ***
    I just realized something: If Steve Jobs and/or his wife watch porn (which I bet he and she do), then he's a fucking HYPOCRITE for [saying and/or] implying “I don't watch Porn. you want porn? go to Android!”