Baby, You AutoComplete Me
Steve Jobs is a bicycle. Sarah Palin killed Michael Jackson. People type weird shit into Google — and you need look no further than its Auto-Complete feature to get a glimpse.
We humans are a strange, strange bunch.
Sure, a day at the DMV could have told you that. But thanks to Google, we’re gaining a whole new kind of insight into what goes on in our collective heads.
I’m talking specifically about Google AutoComplete — the little box of suggestions that pops up every time you type a search. In fractions of a second, AutoComplete weighs the world’s most popular search terms to try to figure out what you really want.
And apparently, that’s to sleep with your sister on a bed of buttermilk pancakes.
Behold, some of Google AutoComplete’s most entertaining and puzzling suggestions.
With all due respect, I’d much rather ride Marissa Mayer.
Tasty, sure — but how do you change the sheets?
A person who’s missing out on a delightfully soft bed, that’s what.
That depends: Is she Marissa Mayer?
It doesn’t; you’re thinking of Gloogle. And that’s just jibberish.
I must say, sir, I’m quite impressed with your typing skills.
Hey, nothing a few tissues can’t clean up.
I know. And a bit of a slut, too, if you ask me.
And you wonder why you can’t find a job.
Better than a bicycle, I suppose.
Ooh, is it Foxxxy Roxxxy? I knew she wasn’t on the pill…that lying whore.
I would think a spritely jig might be appropriate.
As long as it only fingers me, I guess I can live with that…
Seems about right.
Really? I prefer up and down, myself.
Good, because no one else wants to fork you after all that pooping back and forth you did.
Got me.
Done and done.
Yeah, seriously. I couldn’t agree more.
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