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Formal Offer: We Would Like to Buy Palm

Well, kiddos, this is it: eSarcasm’s hitting the big time. Yep, we’re about to buy Palm and become a massive corporation. Assuming they accept our offer, that is.

By (@JRRaphael)

April 13, 2010

Palm SalePalm, we’re feeling the urge to merge. And we hear you are, too.

The Web’s been a-buzzin’ with word that you’re putting yourself up for sale. (We tried that once when we hit rough times, too, but $10 per BJ only went so far.) So Palm, good pals, we want to take you under our wings and soar.

Now, we realize you haven’t formally put yourselves on the auction block just yet. And, to be quite frank, that’s probably for the best, as we don’t really have much in the way of cash monies to offer. (This highly legit-looking Web site says we’re worth $1,386. We’re not sure where they got that figure, but we’re pretty certain that’s about what we paid for the strippers at our last annual holiday bash. Weird coincidence.)

But Palm, you struggling sons-of-bitches, don’t you fret: We may not have financial assets, but we have plenty of other things. In exchange for your fine company, we’re willing to give you the following:

Palm, the ball’s in your court — and believe us, we’re ready to take our offer elsewhere.

So call us, sweet darlings. We’re waiting.

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