Jessie James Goes Ho-to-Ho With Tiger

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

As news of a third mistress makes the headlines, reality TV “star” Jesse James admits he’s got his eyes on a larger prize: Tiger Woods’ crown for male slutitude.

Married to Oscar-winning plastic surgery victim Sandra Bullock, James gained minor fame as host of the Discovery Channel’s “Monster Garage,” and greater fame for slagging women too skanky for even the world’s greatest golfer.

Yesterday, Los Angeles photographer Brigitte Daguerre officially announced her membership in James’ “Tarts with Tats” program, joining stripper Michelle “Bombshell McGee and serial legal offender Melissa Smith.

But James says he’s only just getting started.

“I can take Tiger,” he says. “I’m willing to go much, much lower on the bimbo food chain than he is. If she’s got ink, I don’t even have to think.”

However, James’ goal may be thwarted by factors larger than his outsized sex drive. At the current rate of consumption, scientists estimate the world will run completely out of skanky ho’s by the year 2016.

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