Virgin Galactic: ‘It’s True: I’m No Longer a Virgin’

The world’s first manned commercial spaceship reveals intimate details about its long-anticipated first time. “It was pure weightless bliss,” it says.

By (@JRRaphael)

March 23, 2010

Virgin Galactic First Test FlightCue the inaugural walk of shame: Virgin Galactic has lost its V-card.

Virgin Galactic — or just “Galactic” now, we suppose — completed its maiden voyage on Monday. Like so many young souls before it, the company eagerly plunged its rocket into its first abyss, bursting through the gates and soaring to dreamlike heights.

“Man, it felt good,” the spaceship commented.* “I’m still on cloud nine.”

Virgin Galactic’s first time was considered a “test run” (we told our first girlfriends that, too), so understandably, the experience didn’t last for long. The craft’s rocket blasted off only moments after the voyage began, shooting miles above the surface and leaving a familiar-looking white streak in its wake.

Virgin Galactic SpaceShipTwo

Virgin Galactic basking in the afterglow of its first time

“I know it was a short session, but those few seconds of suborbital altitude were pure weightless bliss,” the spaceship remarked.

Virgin Galactic is a commercial space exploration company founded by billionaire Richard Branson. It hopes to eventually let the general public ride on its impressive rocket, but only after it’s had time to fine-tune its performance with several more test runs. That way, it can avoid being embarrassed by premature ejection or any other common troubles once it starts cozying up to desirable partners.

“Once I get really good at this, boy oh boy, the world had better watch out,” the spaceship chuckled. “I’m gonna be blasting off with every willing person I can find.”

Virgin Galactic assures us it used proper protection during its maiden voyage. It’s still unclear, however, whether any post-blastoff cuddling was involved.

  *OK, so spaceships can’t really talk. But we’re pretty sure this is what it was thinking.

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