Tweets Between the Sheets: We’re All Social Media Junkies
A survey reports that nearly half of all Facebook and Twitter users update their status from bed. But that’s hardly the only proof we’re social media addicts. An eSarcasm exclusive.
This news just in: We’ve got a social media Jones, and we can’t sleep at night.
At least, according to the Retrevo Gadgetology Report, a survey of roughly 1000 social media addicts users that reveals these fascinating stats:
- 56 percent of Facebook users have to check in at least once a day
- 48 percent of people check/update FaceBook and/or Twitter after they go to bed
- 23 percent of iPhone users rely on Twitter for their morning news
- 49 percent of people under 25 years old can be interrupted by an electronic message during a meal.
eSarcasm has conducted its own highly scientific surveys on these matters, and the results are frankly shocking, even to us (and we just made them up):
- 33 percent of people under 25 can be interrupted by an electronic message during sex
- 27 percent of those messages are sent by the people they’re having sex with
- 68 percent of iPhone owners are whiny little fanboys
- 99 percent of them will leave a nasty anonymous comment on this post
- 17 percent of Nexus One fans plan to sign up with AT&T
- 98 percent of them enjoy being strapped to a wagonwheel and cornholed
- 11 percent of all tweets are sent by people pretending to be @GuyKawasaki
- 49 percent of all tweets are sent by people who have not yet slept with @JuliaAllison but plan to at a later date
- 24 percent of people have bragged about having sex on IJustMadeLove.com
- 89 percent of those people were alone before, during, and after the event
- 42 percent of US cities would do anything to get Google to build them a superfast network
- 97 percent of top Google execs are getting their knobs polished right now
- 72 percent of Digg users are 12 years old
- 28 percent are sleeping with 12 year olds
- 98 percent of readers surveyed believe eSarcasm is the Greatest Web Site of All Time ™
- 2 percent of them are allowed to handle sharp implements
Note, however, that 80 percent of all Twitter-related studies are pointless babble, and that up to 86 percent of scientific studies are misleading, according to scientific studies. We’re glad we could contribute to the steaming pile of misinformation.
Tweet
Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter | Widgets
