Alternate Reality

Google Nexus One Now Available From World’s Crappiest Carrier

AT&T deal means Google phandroids can enjoy the same lousy reception and shitty service as iPhone fanboys at an even higher cost.

By (@tynanwrites)

March 16, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Since its debut nearly 75 days ago, the Nexus One has drawn inevitable comparisons with the iPhone. Like followers of the Jesus handset, Nexus users enjoyed a groundbreaking touch-screen interface and a marketplace filled with thousands of custom apps, backed by a cutting-edge company surrounded by an aura of geeky invincibility.

There was only thing the Nexus One lacked: a really shitty telecom.

Now those days are over. Thanks to Google’s newly announced deal with AT&T, Phandroids will be able to enjoy the same crappy call quality, spotty 3G service, and execrable customer support as their iPhone brothers and sisters.

“The Nexus One is finally available on the world’s fastest and least reliable 3G network,” said a Google spokesperson known only as Mimsy. “We look forward to having access to millions of disgruntled AT&T customers across these United States.”

To ensure new customers receive an even more painful up-the-dookie-chute experience than even the iPhone faithful, Google will sell only unsubsidized handsets for $529, plus $25 for an AT&T compatible SIM card and whatever usurious charges the telecom tacks on for voice and data.

In related news, Google has confirmed news reports that the Nexus One sold roughly 135,000 units in its first two and a half months on the market; just over 100,000 of those to Robert Scoble.

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