Really Stupid Things People Say After Sex
At IJustMadeLove.com you can brag to the world exactly how, where, and with whom you did the nasty. But maybe you shouldn’t.
Quick, what do you do when you’ve just finished having sex? Smoke a cigarette? Order a pizza? Call in the hazmat team?
Now you have one more option: Dial up IJustMadeLove.com and brag about it to the world. This site uses Google Maps to pinpoint exactly where you did the dirty deed, in what positions, and with what implements.
It’s a little like Clue for sex: Colonel Mustard on the couch, in the ass, with a condom. Miss Scarlet on her knees, in a sailboat, with a threesome.
Even better: You can add a cheery little note with details about your conquest. Most of the 94,000 people who’ve recorded their exploits so far have kept it short and sweet: Awesome! Fantabulous! Aaammmmaaaaazzzzzzziiiinnnnngggggg!!!
Others just can’t resist going on for a bit. Thus bringing us to our snark du jour: really stupid things people say after sex.
The following are all real excerpts from various IJustMadeLove entries made around the globe, followed by the usual smartass commentary. (Warning: This stuff is definitely not safe for work. Also, we wouldn’t drink coffee while reading it.)
Now, without any foreplay whatsoever:
1. Fucking amazing. I just fucked a complete stranger all over my house
Hate to break it to you, babe, but that guy’s a cat burglar; he was just casing the joint.
2. Lesbian sex is amazing!!
Sorry, we don’t believe you. You’ll just have to prove it to us.
3. Threesome with tranny bitches!!!
Wouldn’t that be more like a fivesome?
4. Covered her tits in cum again. probably the last time i’ll fuck her for awhile though. bitch is getting way too fucking clingy
Well, what do you expect to happen when you cover her tits in cum? It’s not industrial lubricant.
5. Whats not good about a threesome?
See tranny bitches, above.
6. It was rough and dirty just how I love it
Mom, is that you?
7. Fun he can eat pussy ii was hiis first and den we ha sex standiin up in a hand stand on dha stairs in dha kitchen and he gt meh pregnant
OK, new rule: You’re not allowed to procreate if you don’t know how to spell the word “the.”
8. Up the cats!!!!
We’re hoping this is just Irish slang. Otherwise, we’re alerting the ASPCA.
9. Well it was with this guy i dont remember his name but it was a GRRReat time.
Furry, long tail, stripes? His name’s Tony. Tony the Tiger.
10. Dude!!!! i was playin some codmod 2, then my gf comes and start with a bj while i play the game… then we get to doin it as i’m still playin and other players heard over my head set… after that she topped it of by making me a sandwich
Dude!!!! you’re so full of shit!!!! You can barely spell BJ, let alone describe one.
11. Something fun before we went to eat.
And now you can never go back to that Dennys ever again.
12. Amazing, i was high! i fucked a donkey with 2 carrots up its ass and thinks it gettin what the boys like to cal "blowo jobeoo" so you get jelous and smack a hoe =P
We saw that in Tijuana once. Didn’t believe it then, either.
13. Who doesn’t love amazing anal in the snow?!?!
Isn’t that a Christmas carol by Johnny Mathis?
14. On a picnic table, overlooking the dam at Confluence, middle of the week, she really got into it on the table. left a nice puddle fr the next family picnic.
Sounds hot. But shouldn’t you have waited until after the Boy Scout Jamboree?
15. There is a place near Jumonville, Half Kings Rocks, We were in the park, near dusk. at he rocks, she knelt and sucked I took her from behind We finished with me on my back deep inside her. We wandered back to the lot in the gloom. We were the only ones in the lot, she leaned into the car, I pulled her shorts down and rimmed her. Once she was ready I took her ass. We finished minutes before the park ranger closed the gate for the night. Hours are dawn to dusk, if you’re so inclined.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Zalman King’s “Red Shoe Diaries.”
16. So epic! The family living there kept staring at me but that’s ok, I finish quick.
Fortunately, it was a family of squirrels. Otherwise you’d be doing time, dude.
17. Wife had me fuck a cyberskin doll while she watched and masterbated. Wasn’t bad, very sexy.
We are now officially sorry we asked.
18. Best $75 I ever spent.
Don’t forget to add another $50 for the penicillin.
Still, our inescapable conclusion: Other people are having more fun than we are, right now.
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