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Sex-Ed Goes High-Tech

A new online game attempts to teach teens about sex using characters like The Sperminator, Wonder Vag, and Willy the Kid. Yes, really.

By (@JRRaphael)

February 23, 2010

Forget those old-school health class videos: Modern-day sex education may come (so to speak) in the form of a giant penis-armed villain called The Sperminator.

The Sperminator is the antagonist in “Adventures in Sex City,” an online game created by the Middlesex-London Health Unit and targeted at teenagers. In the game, The Sperminator shoots “evil sperm” at you using his two massive penis-hands. You use an oversized condom to avoid getting facialized and knocked out of the game.

We swear we aren’t making this up.

Adventures In Sex City

The heroes of Sex City are four player-controlled characters:

Sex Squad Characters

  • Wonder Vag: a virgin who “believes in true love” and “promotes abstinence until marriage.” Not to worry, though: We hear she’s more than willing to give Wonder Head.
  • Willy the Kid: a 4-foot-tall mohawked dude who fights to “prove size doesn’t matter.” Had the game’s creators not made him a black guy, it might even be believable.
  • Power Pap: the real slut of the game — a sexually active gal who “uses x-ray vision to spot infections.” Unfortunately, her x-ray vision isn’t powerful enough to spot Willy’s tiny dangle.
  • Captain Condom: half man, half condom. He “stretches to any size” and is “98 percent effective” at defeating enemies. His secret weapon, we assume, is reducing their sensation.

Now, the game actually does try to teach: You knock down The Sperminator’s strength by answering sex-related questions and bouncing his evil sperm right back into his own face. (Again, not making this up. There are even “splat” sound effects.)

The take-home message? Facials can be a fun and effective way to finish off any tricky situation. If you have two penises in your hands, you’ll be all-powerful. And girls who call themselves Wonder Vag are always superheroes in the end.

God bless the Internet.

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