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Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Forget the old Microsoft vs. Apple feud — the bigger battle these days is between Apple and Android. So which kind of fanboy are you? Take this 20-question quiz to find out.

By (@jr_raphael)

July 11, 2010

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but the world’s geekiest battleground has slowly been shifting.

Apple Android Fanboy QuizGone are the days when the Apple fanboy fought solely with his Microsoft-loving counterpart. Now, a new nemesis is in town: the Google-giddy, iPhone-hating Android fan.

Android fanboys couldn’t be more different from their Apple-adoring enemies. Whether it’s open vs. closed, iPhone vs. Droid, or Larry vs. Steve, these two types of fanboys share little more than an unhealthy obsession with a company that’ll never love them back.

But how to know whether you’re an Apple fanboy, an Android fanboy, or neither? Take a deep breath and answer the following questions. Keep careful track of your running score, and soon, you’ll have the answer.

Be sure to post your results in the comments section once you’re done.

The Apple / Android Fanboy Quiz

  1. Your typical daily outfit…
    a) is standard office wear [0]
    b) is a black turtleneck and jeans [+20]
    c) Wait, is that like when you put clothes on? [-2]
  2. The words “open source”…
    a) confuse you [0]
    b) scare you [+10]
    c) cause you to become fully aroused [-30]
  3. When you hear someone mispronounce “Sergey” as “ser-gee,” you…
    a) immediately correct them [-10]
    b) say “gesundheit” [0]
    c) laugh and say, “Yeah, Sir ‘Gee-I-Wish-I-Worked-At-Apple!'” [+3]
  4. When you see a Google product launch event, you…
    a) marvel at how the new innovation is going to change the world [-15]
    b) scoff at how poor the showmanship is compared to Apple’s [+15]
    c) Hang on now — Google’s the one that searches the Internets, right? [0]
  5. You think Steve Jobs is…
    a) a god [+20]
    b) a douche [-10]
    c) a football player [0]
  6. Apple-related rumors are…
    a) something you regularly read [+10]
    b) something you regularly write [+20]
    c) something you think might be found in the grocery’s produce section [0]
  7. A blog or news article that mentions Apple in anything but a positive light…
    a) is jealous drivel written by people on Microsoft’s payroll [+15]
    b) causes you to go into flaming-tiger comment-attack mode [+20]
    c) Seriously, why are we still talking about produce? [0]
  8. Someone writing a blog that’s in any way critical of Google…
    a) is obviously an Apple and/or Microsoft fanboy [-15]
    b) doesn’t understand the wave of the future [-20]
    c) should try Yahoo — it’s really the best search engine [disqualified]
  9. During an Apple event, you…
    a) read a live blog [+10]
    b) write a live blog [+30]
    c) masturbate feverishly [+50]
  10. You have an Apple logo
    a) on your car [+10]
    b) on your body [+50]
    c) on your girlfriend’s crotch — how else are you expected to get it up during foreplay? [+40]
  11. You find this Apple-themed attire…

    a) arousing [0 -- that's just normal]
    b) repulsive [-10 (unless you're gay)]
  12. You find this Apple-themed attire…

    a) repulsive [0]
    b) arousing [+325 (even if you're gay)]
  13. You are Steve Jobs.
    a) true [+500]
    b) false [0]
    c) only while daydreaming [+50]
  14. You are the woman in this picture.

    a) true [CALL US]
    b) false [move along]
  15. You think Apple’s culture of control…
    a) is a necessary way to maintain a high-quality user experience [+50]
    b) is an outdated approach compared to more open alternatives [-25]
    c) is delightfully naughty — more, master, give me more! [+15]
  16. The Nexus One…
    a) is the phone that will forever change the world [-75]
    b) is a cheap ripoff of the iPhone [+25]
    c) Uh, dude — it’s pronounced Lexus [0]
  17. The iPad…
    a) is the device that will forever change the world [+75]
    b) is something you decided to buy before it was even announced [+100]
    c) is something you’re pretty sure your girlfriend keeps in the bathroom drawer [0]
  18. Android’s apps…
    a) are lacking compared to Apple’s [+10]
    b) are the best apps out there, period [-60]
    c) include programs with mobile porn, which is a distinct advantage [0]
  19. When Steve Jobs needed a new liver, you…
    a) would have given him yours in a heartbeat [+75]
    b) read about it using the superspiffy search function on your Android phone [-25]
    c) were too busy re-reading Steve Ballmer’s latest keynote to notice [0]
  20. This quiz…
    a) is clearly biased against Apple [+50]
    b) is clearly biased against Android [-50]
    c) both A and B [0]
    d) both B and C [0]
    e) A and C, but not B [please see our on-site shrink]

The Scoring Guide

  • 0: Neutral. You are neither an Apple fanboy nor an Android fanboy. You may, however, be a Microsoft fanboy, a complete and utter moron, or Betty White.
  • +1 to +100: Apple Lover. You enjoy Apple’s products a little too much — but they don’t usually give you anything more than a semi, so you’re still safe.
  • +100 to +200: Apple Asshole. You look down upon people who aren’t in your elite club. You get the occasional full-on Apple boner, but you can still conduct a conversation without mentioning your black-shirted overlord.
  • +300 to +900: Apple Fanboy. You definitely need the extended warranty on your iPhone, because it’s sure to experience regular “liquid damage” as a result of your excitement.
  • Over +900: You are Steve Jobs. Thanks for stopping by; can we have some cash?
  • -1 to -100: Android Enthusiast. You lean noticeably more toward the Android platform than Apple’s, but you’re in fairly sane territory.
  • -100 to -200: Android Annoyance. You’re reaching a dangerous point of Android obsession. You still, however, have a few areas of your life that aren’t fully tracked, logged, and controlled by Google.
  • -200 and below: Android Fanboy. If that little robot guy had an orifice, you’d totally fuck him.





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Comments

  • Christopher

    Surprisingly accurate result. 'Android Enthusiast' [-35] is right on target.

  • alton

    Android annoyance, baby! woo hoo!! A few yrs ago I probably woulda been an Apple asshole tho. Good thing I saw the light :-)

  • ward

    -112

  • http://www.facebook.com/neil.naik Neil Naik

    -107

    android annoyance

  • tjs3783

    -210

    seriously -_-

  • afb217

    Betty White

  • http://twitter.com/Nazartm Nazar

    -220. Better than Apple Asshole :D

  • http://housegirl.livejournal.com/ housegirl

    sooo close to being an android fanGIRL

  • pseudozach

    -245 and proud of it! I can't wait to sell my old slow-ass iphone to some +400 apple fanboy.
    oh and btw, where the hell is the “share on google” button around here?!!

  • Anonymous

    308, thanks, but only cuz of #12

  • kurkosdr

    -255 and proud of it! Better than be an Apple douche who likes a company that won't even allow him to select his own carrier or play games (guess what, apple fanboys, it's not that EA doesn't want to make games for your mac os x, it's Job's culture of secrecy and his closed standards that doesn't allow them)

    You guys obviously don't understand that Android netbooks and phones are the best chance we have at seeing some competition in the OS market. Ubuntu failed, Mac OS X is perfect if you want a computer that will behave like a kitchen appliance, and windows is getting worse in every edition. I 'd rather have an android netbook.

    Oh, and the Google girl was far more lickable than the apple girl.

    Also, why I had to admit that I have an Apple logo on my car? (do not)

  • http://www.facebook.com/knonie Knonie Dost

    Got 162…
    Quiz was quite biased but so interesting one…
    Quite true in my case, as I take Jobs as one of thee most inspirational and genius figures in technology…
    I personally use many Apple products, and my usual conversation is hardly without mentioning the word Apple, or something about Steve.
    But still, I love Android, and use HTC Hero instead of iPhone.
    I love Google, Android and Open Source as well…
    :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/knonie Knonie Dost

    Got 162…
    Quiz was quite biased but so interesting one…
    Quite true in my case, as I take Jobs as one of thee most inspirational and genius figures in technology…
    I personally use many Apple products, and my usual conversation is hardly without mentioning the word Apple, or something about Steve.
    But still, I love Android, and use HTC Hero instead of iPhone.
    I love Google, Android and Open Source as well…
    :-)

  • BTP

    Shamelessly stealing good ideas makes Jobs no god. It makes him a bully, and an evil scrote that won't give credit where credit is due. Pay the man who designed and patented the touch system 1999 that you put on your phones and pad! Do it!

  • http://elucidmarketing.com Elucid Marketing Group

    IMA Android! LOL

    …. but respect Apple alot, but hate their business model & luxury approach to the market. I love open source & google's giveaways to high tech innovation (bcuz im too poor to throw $ to Steve & helps me become as creative as the tech giants). Hell, I mite owe google a donation, so a Droid purchase was most likely.

    APPLE GOVERNMENT

    Apple seems to nickel and dime us while using tech knowledge to secure a market. The only time things are cheap is when Apple wants to flood the market, but actually will make them less appeal such as Mercede Benz's marketing strategy failure of recent times. If so, giveup the iPad for $299 now, then lock it back up and control your audience, like you just invented the next water, with difference prices for drinking, washing, gardening, etc, lol. Google will takeover, yeah even more, as a household name & capitalizing from the ex-Apple fanboys who get a variety of services for a cheaper price. Google should be considered a monopoly, based on brand leverage; they're practically taking/making $0.25 from 40 billion users… thats $10billion, or making $1 from one fourth of the Google population, they're formula makes them genius without being criminals… i think.

    GOOGLE > YAHOO

    Google has it's hands in everything & if it pays the market of tech geniuses, it will takeover the world, one gadget at a time, yeah, even phones to maybe even cars. Microsoft is smart, but can only go through its tired, yet powerful, arsenal and try to steal the “inventor's show” presented by all CEOs, web to software. Yahoo caught a train ride with the geniuses, but I bet get their ass whooped as soon as they hop off, lol Them guys act like 1980's nerds, only understanding tech functions and little psychology of it's user. Yahoo360 was the next best thing when it launched, but they didn't know HOW to and lacked on the interface as it thought it would threaten their loyal email userbase. Where's the fireworks, why didn't they showcase their “width” in product development, instead of listing all the services with the yahoo name, create a new name & grow it separately. Google does this too, but it doesn't really make them any “cents” until they profit from online ads monopoly and sell phones. Yahoo is a friendly neighbor, but not my cool ass friend to party the weekend or nerdy friend to bring on a biz deal, i'd pick Yahoo 2nd or take a combo of 3rd & 4th if its free or cheap.

    GOOGLE REVELATION

    Googles have changed the industry of advertising, media, software, to name a few. They are feeling themselves really good, knowing a war with China or just not wanting to respect their wishes for financial growth, is plain dumb. US isn't gonna solidify your wealth or position, as China has chance of controlling the world, once they start wanting more advancement for their people, army, or global position. They are huge and I predict they make one product (auto, pc, or new manufacturing process) that will drive their hearts to doing even more, showcasing their talent….but you didn't hear this from me, my conscious is type-snitching on my heart for these companies.

    WHO RUNS THE TECH WORLD

    To wrap it up, there needs to be more regulation, if anyone can understand this small tech crowd, or industries will crumble (like how newspapers & advertising is) and some smart well-rounded (polymathic) guys will have to sort out this tech era, new lifestyles, and powers available to nearly every web user. I love the competition between companies & even the affordability of my robotic powers. I just fear they will “APPLE” us and control our every click as the open source freedom has spoiled me well.

    SOCIAL NETWORKING UNLOCKS OUR HOME TO A TECH FUTURE

    Social media and networking is the next wave that delivers us to a “new world”. Pass the 3D worlds to come in near future, video gaming of the paralleled “attention age”, and pass the lil devices for every new & real-time connection… these Tech Giants will make their way in our home, freely, then charge us less than before, and rearrange the economic scope/power of the world. I'm all for the changes, just don't let me wipeout on the wave, somebody, anybody! who's in charge here? lol Thanks for reading and great post, i love eSarcasm!

    Bernard Thomas
    Elucid Marketing Group
    elucidmarketing.com
    @elucidmarketing TWITTER

    • Gil

      Interesting thoughts, Bernard, but do yourself a favir and spellcheck before you post, at the very least! :)

      Not that someone who works for or heads up a marketing group would ask for my advice, but you’re not doing the Elucid brand name any favors with an unedited message that’s loaded with misspellings and incorrect word usage. It does sound like this is just your off-time, fun personal opinion on the subject, but putting all your business credentials in a comment signature generally indicates that you’re representing — that is, speaking for the company. If I was looking for a marketing group and happened to read this comment, I’d probably take it as useful information about the professionalism of a company that purports to know how to present a professional image, and I’d cross Elucid off my list. No disrespect intended — just a friendly heads-up. Hope it’s taken as information.

      - Gil

      • http://twitter.com/galilsnap Alan Abdollahzadeh

        Do yourself a “favir” and spellcheck?

      • http://twitter.com/galilsnap Alan Abdollahzadeh

        Do yourself a “favir” and spellcheck?

    • andromeda

      40 billion users… is google serving aliens as well?

  • merp

    PLUS 217 in FAVOR of android. Thank you very much : ) Apple's shit is old already. OLD.

  • goodroid

    -230 =D i wish the little robot guy had an orifice… =P

  • Reflects on life

    quiz is way biased… assumes all cell-tards are men… misogyny is sooo 2003, LOL!

  • goodroid

    -230 =D i wish the little robot guy had an orifice… =P

  • Reflects on life

    quiz is way biased… assumes all cell-tards are men… misogyny is sooo 2003, LOL!

  • Femdroid

    -300! :) And why? Because I don't have to buy 10 different pieces of hardware and spend $8000 just to make an ipod or iphone work seamlessly with my life. My life runs on Google, and I don't have to take out a loan to keep it that way.

    And yes, that search button IS superspiffy! (And also the back button, something that Apple really should look into once they stop making high-tech pantiliners)

  • Mayesie

    +20 what can I say when someone buys you that many black skivies and jeans you tend to wear them all the time

  • S_Jobs

    900+ woooooooo! (oh ya, i am steve jobs actually)

  • http://www.facebook.com/DemonOfTheSword David Degnan

    -232 yay I definitely think Apple's overrated and like Android maybe a little obsessively.

  • Joe Bloggs

    c) should try Yahoo — it’s really the best search engine [disqualified] – What's this Yahoo thing??

    • i rock u dont

      use google search to find out XD

  • evildave

    Gosh, like, why couldn't you have put the 200 lines of javascript in to tally the thing for us?

  • Arcticwolf1966

    -133……
    Hey wait! I don't even have a cell phone. But GOOGLE rocks.
    The only Apple thing I own is an old G3 laptop that is in a thousand pieces. (And that is ithe way it will remain.)

  • http://twitter.com/DaVince21 Vincent Beers

    My result was 0 and [call us].

  • Apple Enthusiast?

    So what am I if my score was somewhere from 201 to 299? (210)

  • fanboyapple

    cool quiz couldnt stop laughing the whole time! even i consider myself as an applefanboy, the apple things made me laugh the most!

  • ;P

    277 because apple is the negative ones!!!

  • Purplechaser

    140 but I took another quiz that said I was Android

  • http://www.downloadfrostwire.org/ Frostwire

    I am an Android now, but I used to be an iPhone. I find Android’s open-source, not-locked-down approach to its OS to be refreshing.

  • djs514

    interesting, a few questions I simpy couldn’t answer, but ended up about -75, which sort of makes sense being a (for the moment) loyal Nokia user loving my MeeGo Harmattan powered N9, but unlike Android it truly is 100% open source and more pure Linux. I’m not a fan of WP7.5, but would pick it over IOS any day. I don’t like being told what I can and can’t to with MY phone that I paid for.

  • Ruan Wen-Ming

    Microsoft Fanboy :-D

  • Chuck Norris

    -15 for me. Surprisingly accurate.

    • Prat

      Ditto…mine is -117

  • Applechangedtheworld

    397 i knew it

  • yolo

    -310