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Quiz: Are You an Apple or an Android Fanboy?

Forget the old Microsoft vs. Apple feud — the bigger battle these days is between Apple and Android. So which kind of fanboy are you? Take this 20-question quiz to find out.

By (@JRRaphael)

July 11, 2010

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but the world’s geekiest battleground has slowly been shifting.

Apple Android Fanboy QuizGone are the days when the Apple fanboy fought solely with his Microsoft-loving counterpart. Now, a new nemesis is in town: the Google-giddy, iPhone-hating Android fan.

Android fanboys couldn’t be more different from their Apple-adoring enemies. Whether it’s open vs. closed, iPhone vs. Droid, or Larry vs. Steve, these two types of fanboys share little more than an unhealthy obsession with a company that’ll never love them back.

But how to know whether you’re an Apple fanboy, an Android fanboy, or neither? Take a deep breath and answer the following questions. Keep careful track of your running score, and soon, you’ll have the answer.

Be sure to post your results in the comments section once you’re done.

The Apple / Android Fanboy Quiz

  1. Your typical daily outfit…
    a) is standard office wear [0]
    b) is a black turtleneck and jeans [+20]
    c) Wait, is that like when you put clothes on? [-2]
  2. The words “open source”…
    a) confuse you [0]
    b) scare you [+10]
    c) cause you to become fully aroused [-30]
  3. When you hear someone mispronounce “Sergey” as “ser-gee,” you…
    a) immediately correct them [-10]
    b) say “gesundheit” [0]
    c) laugh and say, “Yeah, Sir ‘Gee-I-Wish-I-Worked-At-Apple!'” [+3]
  4. When you see a Google product launch event, you…
    a) marvel at how the new innovation is going to change the world [-15]
    b) scoff at how poor the showmanship is compared to Apple’s [+15]
    c) Hang on now — Google’s the one that searches the Internets, right? [0]
  5. You think Steve Jobs is…
    a) a god [+20]
    b) a douche [-10]
    c) a football player [0]
  6. Apple-related rumors are…
    a) something you regularly read [+10]
    b) something you regularly write [+20]
    c) something you think might be found in the grocery’s produce section [0]
  7. A blog or news article that mentions Apple in anything but a positive light…
    a) is jealous drivel written by people on Microsoft’s payroll [+15]
    b) causes you to go into flaming-tiger comment-attack mode [+20]
    c) Seriously, why are we still talking about produce? [0]
  8. Someone writing a blog that’s in any way critical of Google…
    a) is obviously an Apple and/or Microsoft fanboy [-15]
    b) doesn’t understand the wave of the future [-20]
    c) should try Yahoo — it’s really the best search engine [disqualified]
  9. During an Apple event, you…
    a) read a live blog [+10]
    b) write a live blog [+30]
    c) masturbate feverishly [+50]
  10. You have an Apple logo
    a) on your car [+10]
    b) on your body [+50]
    c) on your girlfriend’s crotch — how else are you expected to get it up during foreplay? [+40]
  11. You find this Apple-themed attire…

    a) arousing [0 — that’s just normal]
    b) repulsive [-10 (unless you’re gay)]
  12. You find this Apple-themed attire…

    a) repulsive [0]
    b) arousing [+325 (even if you’re gay)]
  13. You are Steve Jobs.
    a) true [+500]
    b) false [0]
    c) only while daydreaming [+50]
  14. You are the woman in this picture.

    a) true [CALL US]
    b) false [move along]
  15. You think Apple’s culture of control…
    a) is a necessary way to maintain a high-quality user experience [+50]
    b) is an outdated approach compared to more open alternatives [-25]
    c) is delightfully naughty — more, master, give me more! [+15]
  16. The Nexus One…
    a) is the phone that will forever change the world [-75]
    b) is a cheap ripoff of the iPhone [+25]
    c) Uh, dude — it’s pronounced Lexus [0]
  17. The iPad…
    a) is the device that will forever change the world [+75]
    b) is something you decided to buy before it was even announced [+100]
    c) is something you’re pretty sure your girlfriend keeps in the bathroom drawer [0]
  18. Android’s apps…
    a) are lacking compared to Apple’s [+10]
    b) are the best apps out there, period [-60]
    c) include programs with mobile porn, which is a distinct advantage [0]
  19. When Steve Jobs needed a new liver, you…
    a) would have given him yours in a heartbeat [+75]
    b) read about it using the superspiffy search function on your Android phone [-25]
    c) were too busy re-reading Steve Ballmer’s latest keynote to notice [0]
  20. This quiz…
    a) is clearly biased against Apple [+50]
    b) is clearly biased against Android [-50]
    c) both A and B [0]
    d) both B and C [0]
    e) A and C, but not B [please see our on-site shrink]

The Scoring Guide

  • 0: Neutral. You are neither an Apple fanboy nor an Android fanboy. You may, however, be a Microsoft fanboy, a complete and utter moron, or Betty White.
  • +1 to +100: Apple Lover. You enjoy Apple’s products a little too much — but they don’t usually give you anything more than a semi, so you’re still safe.
  • +100 to +200: Apple Asshole. You look down upon people who aren’t in your elite club. You get the occasional full-on Apple boner, but you can still conduct a conversation without mentioning your black-shirted overlord.
  • +300 to +900: Apple Fanboy. You definitely need the extended warranty on your iPhone, because it’s sure to experience regular “liquid damage” as a result of your excitement.
  • Over +900: You are Steve Jobs. Thanks for stopping by; can we have some cash?
  • -1 to -100: Android Enthusiast. You lean noticeably more toward the Android platform than Apple’s, but you’re in fairly sane territory.
  • -100 to -200: Android Annoyance. You’re reaching a dangerous point of Android obsession. You still, however, have a few areas of your life that aren’t fully tracked, logged, and controlled by Google.
  • -200 and below: Android Fanboy. If that little robot guy had an orifice, you’d totally fuck him.

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