Implants in Your Pants
Does your meat fail to meet expectations? Try anatomy-enhancing boxers. They’re like a wonderbra for your manbag. eSarcasm investigates.
You say your package is mostly lackage and your stiffy’s a little iffy? Not to fear, my friends. A solution is readily at hand: The dong thong.
Yes, the right underwear can turn your tee-pee into a circus tent, making you a sought-after sex god among the slutterati. Best of all, those size queens will never realize it (until it’s too late, heh-heh).
No, we’re not kidding. UK-based department store Debenhams reported a 76 percent rise (ahem) in sales of $28 "anatomy boosting underpants" before Valentines Day. Per Reuters:
The pants work by using a lift and hold feature at the front, like a male version of the cleavage-boosting Wonderbra.
"The briefs mean that no man ever needs to feel inadequate again on the most passionate day of the social calendar," said Rob Faucherand, head of men’s accessories [insert snigger here] at Debenhams.
Yes, you could be the owner of a magnificent boner — or at least look like you do — for less than the cost of a Craigslist ho.
By the time she discovers that your anaconda is more like an inch worm, you’re already saddled up and ready to ride. Get along little doggies, get along.
Call it The WonderBro: For those dates where you really don’t care if you never see her again.
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