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The Dark Side of Texting

Before you open that next text from your special someone, you may want to read what Dr. Smartass discovered.

By (@doctorsmartass)

February 15, 2010

Got a question for Dr. Smartass? E-mail doc [at] esarcasm.com.

Dr. SmartassWith Valentine’s Day behind us, my lovely readers, it’s time for a reality check. Last week, we discussed the amorous potential of the cell phone text message:
Sexting aside, it seems, casual texts can lead to casual sex.

But there is a downside to all this free-wheeling phone-chatting. From my inbox:

Dear Dr. Smartass,

My girlfriend broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, via text. WTF?


Darryl, you poor little dumped dumpling, that is quite poor form by your former beau. While your “WTF” mentality is understandable, however, it appears she’s far from the only one who’s put the brakes on romance in 160 characters or less.

A recent survey from mobile social network Mocospace finds nearly half of all daters have said so-long to their sweeties via text. Another 9 percent have broken up using some other function of their phone. For the dumpees’ sakes, we’ll hope that alternate function was not “bludgeoning.”

Now, in case you’re thinking this measurement is too small — which, in a different context, Darryl, could be the reason she broke up with you — let me assure you that Mocospace’s study was no tiny effort. Mocospace surveyed 20,000 tech-savvy souls to reach their conclusions. And the breakup stats aren’t even the worst part of what they found.

A third of the people questioned admitted to using their cell phone to flirt with someone else during a date. No word on whether they used approved sexting acronyms such as MPICIMFP and DANZA, or whether they just winged it old-school. Either way, though, they were definitely mixing tech and sex together in dangerous ways.

(See, this is why your virtual doc sticks to one-night stands. Far less potential of her finding someone better before the evening’s activities are over.)

So Darryl, my dear disciple, your Valentine’s Day may not have been sweet — but take comfort knowing that you aren’t alone in your tech-tinged trauma. On the upside, you can probably parlay this story into some serious sympathy sex. Embrace the seven simple rules of online dating, go after the right kind of girls, and you’ll be back in the saddle in no time.


  Your lover gal may have said so long,
  But that doesn’t mean you should retire your dong.
  Text away to girls far and near,
  And it won’t be long before you’re hittin’ some rear.

Until next time,

Dr. Smartass

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