Alternate Reality

Google Buzz is Very, Very Sorry

Google’s new social media tool says ‘I was drunk’ and didn’t mean to expose itself and all its users in public. Can it please come home now? Please?

By (@tynanwrites)

February 15, 2010

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Google Buzz is tired of sleeping on the couch and wants to be forgiven.

Since launching less than a week ago, the social media service has come under heavy criticism for exposing itself — and the personal details of thousands of unwitting Gmail users — in public.

"We were drunk," said the shamefaced Twitter/Facebook wannabe. "We didn’t realize what we were doing. We’re just kind of stupid that way."

(As eSarcasm reported last week, the service is also being sued by beloved Pixar film star Buzz Lightyear for trademark violations.)

In a company blog post written by an employee who apparently lost at rock-paper-scissors, Google announced it has changed Buzz’s default privacy settings for the 37th time in three days. For example, the service will no longer automatically follow all insane ex-spouses, stalkers, call girls, and collection agents in your email address book.

In addition, Buzz will no longer automatically display Picasa photos of you from that bachelor party in Cabo or reveal the list of Donkey Sex Show sites you’ve been frequenting on Google Reader. And it will give users the option of disabling Buzz completely and pretending the whole ugly episode never happened.

Again, Buzz would like to say that it’s really really sorry and that it won’t happen again. Ever. Promise.

If we would just let it back into the house, Buzz also vowed to stop leaving its dirty socks on the floor and cook dinner every once in a while.


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